FMA Today!
by DarknessArises98
Summary: A girl named Kyla decided that she was so bored that she'd make a story about a tv show called FMA Today! People could ask the cast of FMA questions and make them do dares. Rated T for cussing and violence.
1. Episode One: Introductions

**It was a quiet afternoon in the Town of Perverts. The streets were clear, people were inside watching tv, and the heat wave was murdering anyone who dared to go outside for more than five minutes.**

**No, seriously, it was murdering people. Mrs. Clarkson, my evil neighbor, learned that the hard way when she tried to sunbath her ugly fat body. She was the fattest woman here, I tell ya! She weighed, like, three hundred pounds- and I'm getting off topic….**

**Anyway, a young teenage girl named Kyla decided that enough was enough. She wasn't really good with serious stories, or romance stories, or even stories in general. So, with her magical powers, a random fic that involved the Fullmetal Alchemist cast, her best friends plus her enemies, a show called FMA Today!, and a kitten named Mr. Mittens was born.**

**No, seriously, my cat gave birth today and I named one of the kittens Mr. Mittens and- wait, ya know what? We shall go straight to FMA Today! before I start blabbering on and on and on….**

**Oh, and disclaimer: KYLA DOES NOT OWN FMA!**

**Extra disclaimer that is SUPER ULTRA IMPORTANT: IF YOU WANT TO ASK THE CAST QUESTIONS OR DARE THEM TO DO STUFF THEN SEND YOUR DARES AND QUESTIONS TO KYLA THROUGH PMS SO SHE DOES NOT GET SCOLDED ON FOR VIOLATING THE GUIDELINES!**

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><p>I frowned at the idiot boy, who I allowed to do the intro. "Nice intro, Austin. Real nice..."<p>

"Thanks!" He said grinning.

I sighed. "Remind me to let someone else do the intro for now on..." He frowned, but I ignored it. "ANYWAY, welcome to FMA Today! This is the place where you can ask your favorite FMA characters questions and/or dare them to do something incredibly stupid and/or inappropriate! …Unless it's a mean dare to Alphonse. Then I shall slap you silly because he is so awesome and sweet! (I'm kidding. Dare whoever!)"

Ed glared at me, yelling, "HEY! I thought you liked me!"

I patted his head. "I do, but I also like Al for his personality. I like you because you're just so smexy." He smiled.

"Am I smexy?" Austin asked.

I shook my head. "No… you're not. On that thought get the hell out of here before I stab you."

Austin ran away, and Al sighed. "That wasn't very nice..."

I shrugged. "Hey, he's an ass. He deserves to be threatened!"

Izumi nodded at me in approval. "You have learned well."

"I learn from the best, Mrs. Curtis!" I said grinning. "I also learned that Olivier Armstrong is also a good role model for violent people- aka me- and that Alex Armstrong is a vampire!"

Armstrong proceeded to yell, "I AM NOT A VAMPIRE! WHY MUST YOU SAY THAT?"

"WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THIS?" I asked.

"BECAUSE IT MAKES ME SEEM MANLIER, ESPECIALLY WITH MY SPARKLES!"

"That's why I think you're a vampire! You sparkle!"

"But he does that even when he isn't in sunlight..." Ed mentioned.

I gasped. "Holy shit that's true! So he's a sparkling fairy bitch!"

"Exactly!" We high-fived each other.

"HURTFUL!" Armstrong yelled.

"NO ONE GIVES A SHIT!" Ed and I yelled back.

Al shook his head at us, sighing. "Can we please get on with this? Don't you have questions or dares from people, Kyla?"

I shook my head. "No."

He sweatdropped. "And why not?"

"Because this is the first episode, Alphonse! No one has reviewed it yet!"

"Ah..."

"Yeaaah now you're getting your cute brain to work."

"I thought you only liked him for his personality?" Ed asked frowning.

"I also think he's flippin' adorable, even when he was just a suit of armor." I replied.

Al smirked. "Haha, Brother. She likes me more!"

"NO, SHE LIKES ME MORE!" Ed yelled. They then got into a fight.

I watched them in interest, and then noticed that I had a strange craving for popcorn. "Where's the popcorn?" Roy then handed me a bag of popcorn. "Ah, thanks. Oh, and I have a question you have to answer or else I'll cut yo ass."

He frowned. "O…kay."

"Why aren't you and Riza dating?" I asked. I heard a click and saw Riza aiming her gun at his head. "And answer carefully…."

He broke out into a sweat, nervous as hell. "U-um… b-because… I don't think she'd like to date me because I don't do my paperwork...?"

Riza, satisfied with his answer, put her gun away. "Alright."

Roy and I sighed with relief.

Envy then came onto the stage, singsonging, "Hello, idiot humans!"

"Hello, cross-dressing palm tree!" I said back.

He glared at me. "I AM NOT A CROSS-DRESSING PALM TREE!"

Ed stopped fighting Al and looked at Envy. "YES YOU ARE!"

Envy thought for a moment, and then said, "If I'm a cross-dressing palm tree, then Edward's short and Al hates cats!" No one replied to that. "Ha."

I frowned, mumbling, "You may have won the battle, but you have not won the war, you Envious Bastard..."

He winked at me. "Yeah, right."

Molley, my best friend in the whole world, gave me a puzzled look. "Why am I here again?"

"'Cause you're my best friend/twin (not really) and you can help me with my perverted comments!" I replied.

"Like how Lust looks like she's willing to do any guy within twenty miles?"

"…That's the truth, not a perverted comment. I'm not even sure if that's perverted period…."

"…Well crap!"

Lust glared at us. "HURTFUL!"

"NO ONE GIVES A SHIT!" Molley and I yelled at her.

Ed frowned, muttering, "Deja fucking vu…."

"WHY MUST YOU CHILDREN SWEAR SO MUCH?" Armstrong asked.

"BECAUSE IT IS FUN!" Molley, Ed, and I answered, then Molley and I added, "Plus we live with people who cuss… a lot."

Al grinned. "So do I! His name is Edward!"

Ed glared at him. "MEAN!"

"Al, don't be mean. It doesn't make you seem smexy at all." I said frowning.

Al pouted. "Aw."

Ed laughed, and then got hit with a wrench. "OW!"

"Edward, stop being mean to your brother!" Winry said frowning.

I glared at her. "Winry... GET OUT!"

Winry glared back. "NO!"

I pulled out a pencil. "Don't make me use this."

She gave me a confused look, which turned into a look of pain once I started stabbing her. "OW OW OW OKAY I'LL LEAVE!" She ran off.

Ed gave me a puzzled look. "Why did you stab her?"

"I dislike her. She annoys me and does absolutely nothing in the animes." I said frowning.

"She fixes Ed's automail." Molley mentioned.

"Yeah, but besides that she does nothing!"

"True, true."

Al sighed, mumbling, "This is going nowhere..."

"You are right, my cutie pie!" I said nodding.

Al grinned while Ed frowned.

"So, if you want this to go somewhere, PMS ME YOUR QUESTIONS AND DARES FOR THE FMA CAST! Or do I have to get Izumi, Olivier, AND Riza on yo ass?" I asked.

Izumi cracked her knuckles, Olivier gave you the Look of Death, and Riza pulled out her gun.

I frowned. "I swear, you three are gonna run Hell together!"

Molley snickered. "Jeez, Riza, where else do you keep your guns? In your BLEEP? (That word is bleeped out because I think that word is… bleh.) ...Wait, why was that bleeped out? All I said was BLEEP! ..."

I, totally ignoring the last two sentences, grinned. "Now you got it!"

She frowned while Riza facepalmed.

Roy then asked, "Do you?"

"NO!" Riza yelled.

Molley and I smirked. "Riiiiiiight~" Riza pointed her gun at us. "MEEP!"

I turned to the camera. "ADIOS, PEOPLE! PMS YOUR QUESTIONS AND/OR DARES SO THEY CAN BE ON HERE AND REVIEW JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT PLEASE!"


	2. Episode Two: Answers, Dares, and Melons

**In a world where fanfiction rules, one girl decided to write a story about a tv show with the FMA cast and her best friends. Where people could ask questions and make the FMA cast do dares. Who is the girl, you ask?**

**Her name… is Kyla.**

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><p>I nodded at my good friend, Kirstian. "Nice intro, Kirstian!"<p>

"Thanks!" She said grinning.

I looked at the audience. "Anyway, welcome back to FMA Today! I'm amazingly giddy because we have questions and dares for the FMA cast today! The first review came from a person named AB!"

_Hmm well this looks interesting._

_Just for shits and giggles...Yo everyone, who do you think would win in a fight the blodsucking FAIRY Edward Cullen or the manly sparkling Alex Luis Armstrong? (my bets on Armstrong 100%)._

_Also, Al? Why are you so cute? =)_

_Later Y'all!_

_^-^/_

"Thanks for the review, AB! First question for everyone: Who would win in a fight, Edward Cullen or Armstrong? Now, I think Armstrong would win."

"So would I." Ed said.

Roy nodded in agreement. "Armstrong all the way."

Olivier, however, said, "The bloodsucking fairy bitch."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "You hate your brother so much that you'd say Edward Cullen could beat him up?"

"Yep."

"…OK! Everyone else?"

"Armstrong." Everyone besides Armstrong replied.

Armstrong cried tears of joy. "THANK YOU ALL! TO REPAY ALL OF YOU, I SHALL GIVE EACH OF YOU A HUG!"

We all then yelled, "NO THANK YOU!"

"ANYWAY, the next question is to Al. Why are you so cute?" I asked.

Al shrugged. "I dunno, but I'm glad people think I'm cute." He blushed.

"OMG you're blushing its soooooooooo fucking cute~!" I squealed hugging him. Ed looked annoyed while Al looked amused. I let him go. "Alrighty, the next review comes from a chica named Mew Phong."

_Seems fun! And hey, I actually read the first chapter.. Usually I don't._

_Meh Questions_

_EDWARD ELRIC: What is your take on the last photo of you and everyone (you know the one, with Winry and everyone..:3))_

_What is your take on your canon pairing? (Edwin :3)_

_And all the other Gabon~ whats that? I mean Fanon.. Auto correct. Gotta love it.~ pairings I support? ((ROYAI! Almei, Olivier/miles, Lingfan))_

_EVERYONE ELSE I MENTIONED IN THE PAIRINGS (aka Roy,Riza,Al,Mei,Olivier,Ling,LanFan)_

_What are you're take on the pairings? Including yours._

_IZUMI:why not adopt? Or did you feel like Ed and Al were close enough like kids to you, by the way, I love your hair!_

_FUHRER BRADLEY: Please teach me sword stuff! It seems fun! And you're funny. Oh yeah what's with the Melons?_

_OLIVIER: I forgot what I was going to ask, I'll be back in a bit.. I REMEMBERED! First of all, are you a daddy's girl or a mommys girl?_

_Do you take advantage of your family money?_

_How did you get your rank? Alot people said it was because you slept with the higher ups._

_And stealing this one from some person on formspring: there was a rumor that General Raven slept in your room while he was there, is it true?_

_RIZA: Do you know Grumman offered to let Roy marry you?_

_ROY: Aww dang I forgot what I was going to ask you too! I was too busy talking to myself.. Wow my sister must think I'm crazy.. Brb I'm back and I still have no questions.. I'll ask you next chapter.. Hopefully_

_Al: Hmm... You know I actually don't have any questions (most of my questions are like torment anyways) for you but i will dare you to... DUH DUH DUH...! not get a cat when you're older, instead get a mini panda that comes with a xingese princess!_

_MILES: Are you afraid of Olivier?_

_Do you want kids?_

_Do you want Olivier to be their mommy?_

_Heeheheeheh... Okay so maybe I'm crazy... TOO BAD! and a dare for all of you before you kill me. You aren't allowed to mentally, verbally or physically assualt me._

"Okay… so after you answer these questions you cannot harm her in any way, shape, or form."

"DAMN!" Everyone yelled.

I rolled my eyes and looked at Ed. "Alrighty, Ed, first of the three questions- What is your take on the last picture with you and everyone? And don't say you don't know what we're talking about I have the picture right here!" I held up the picture.

Ed hesitated before answering. "I have no idea how we were able to take that picture without killing one another. And why the hell was Hughes kissing pictures of Elicia in it?"

I nodded. "Good answer and question. Next question- What is your take on your canon pairing, aka Edwin?"

He blushed. "U-um… no comment?"

"Answer it, Edward."

"It's... okay?"

"That isn't a good enough answer but alrighty. Last question- What is your take- jeez I've been saying that a lot- on the other pairings? The pairings we're talking about are Royia, Almei, Olivier/Miles, and Lingfan."

"The first one should've been clearer in the anime, the second one… how old is Mei, 10? And Al is 15 so that pairing is kinda weird…. Olivier and Miles? …HAHAHA he won't last five seconds with her! The last one everyone saw coming."

Roy and Riza gave him a blank look, Al blushed madly, Mei and Miles sulked, Olivier pulled out her sword, Lan Fan also blushed madly, and Ling just gave us his usual lazy smile. When Olivier growled at Edward he hid behind me.

I frowned. "Calm down, everyone! We still have more questions to do! The next one is for the pairings mentioned above. What is your take on the pairings, including yours?"

"I like my pairing and I agree with Fullmetal on the rest." Roy said, and Riza agreed with him.

"Um… I agree with Brother on the first one, the second one… no comment… the rest I also agree with Brother." Al said.

Mei and Miles were too depressed to say anything, Olivier was too angry to say anything, and Lan Fan was too embarrassed to say anything.

Ling shrugged. "I agree with everything Ed said."

I grinned. "Great! Now this one is for Izumi- why don't you just adopt kids? Are Ed and Al close enough to you that you don't want to adopt?"

Izumi hesitated, and then threw Ed and Al backstage before answering. "I don't adopt because Ed and Al are like sons to me, though I beat the shit out of them."

Ed came back, furious. "Why the hell did you do that? We didn't get to hear your answer!"

"BECAUSE YOU DON'T NEED TO HEAR IT!" She yelled, and she kicked him backstage.

Al came back with a sweatdrop.

"Okay. This one is for Fuhrer Bradley- What the hell is with the melons?" I asked.

"I like melons… they're melon-y..." He answered.

I was a bit creeped out. "OKAY! Olivier, are you a daddy's girl or a mommy's girl?"

"What kind of question is that?" She asked.

"JUST ANSWER IT!" I yelled.

"Grrrr… daddy's girl."

"Do you take advantage of your family money?"

"NO!"

"How did you get your rank? A lot people said it was because you slept with the higher ups."

"What the hell is with these questions? I worked hard to get my rank! I didn't sleep with anyone!"

"The girl who asked them is crazy. There was a rumor that General Raven slept in your room while he was there, is it true?"

"FALSE!"

I laughed. "This is fun... Riza- did you know that Grumman offered to let Roy marry you?"

"WHAT?" She exploded.

"I'll take that as a no... RUN, ROY, RUN!" Roy ran away while screaming like a little girl as Riza chased and shot at him. "Al, your dare is to not get a cat until you're older."

"WHAT?" He yelled.

"Oh, and instead get a mini panda that comes along with a Xingese princess."

He didn't seem to hear me, though. "N-no… cats...?" He then spazzed out.

"Aw great. We broke Al!" He was on the ground, foam running out of his mouth. "Poor guy… ANYWHO Miles, are you afraid of Olivier?"

"Yes." He answered.

"Do you want children?"

"Yes."

"Do you want Olivier to be their mommy?"

Olivier gave him the Look of Death, making him gulp and say, N-no..."

"Alrighty. This is the last review!"

"HALLILUJAH!" Everyone besides Al cheered.

"This comes from a person named heartarrow56!"

_this seems like fun! kyla is your name? do you have a liscence to be a talk show host? (cringes) next question: oliver, how the heck did you get your lips that big? theyre like the biggest in the entire anime! a dare for winry if she ever comes back. i heard she has a shrine dedicated to Ed in her closet, i dare you to show us! i dont really know what else to ask, so ill wait untill next chapter! ^o^_

"Ooooh, the first two questions are for me! Yes, my name is Kyla and I don't have a license to be a talk show host but oh well! Olivier- how did you get your lips to be that big?"

"They're natural..." She mumbled.

"Suuuuuure. Now… hm, since this is a good dare… Kirstian, get Winry."

Kirstian nodded. "On it." She ran out of the studio. Five seconds later she was back with Winry. "I'm back."

"You're fast!" I said, and she grinned.

Winry frowned at me. "What do you want?"

"You were dared to show everyone your shrine dedicated to Ed." I said, and Edward sweatdropped.

"W-what? NEVER!"

"Alrighty… MOLLEY, TURN ON THE CLOSET CAM!"

"EH?"

"Yes, we had prepared for this. We gave Pinako a camera and told her to set it in your closet."

"PINAKO YOU TRAITOR!"

"Closet cam on!" Molley said, and pointed at a large TV screen.

Closet Cam

Inside of the closet were multiple Edward chibi dolls, pictures of him, and pieces of automail. We guessed that the pieces of automail were from Ed's automail leg. In the center was a picture of him and Winry when they were children.

Back to FMA Today!

Al looked at the TV screen. "Wait… I know that picture in the center. I was IN it. DID YOU CUT ME OUT?"

Winry blushed madly, Edward sweatdropped, and Al looked annoyed.

I laughed. "That's all for today. PMS ME YOUR QUESTIONS/DARES, REVIEW FOR THE HELL OF IT, and we'll see you again soon!"

Winry growled at me. "IMMA KILL YOU!" She tackled me to the ground.

"BITCH!" I punched her.

Edward Cullen came onto the stage, saying "I heard that a man named Alex Armstrong can take me on… where is he?"

Armstrong ripped off his shirt. "BRING IT ON, MAN! He tackled him to the ground.

Kirstian was torn between watching Winry and I fight and watching Edward Cullen and Armstrong fight, but decided to end the show for me. "U-um… I guess I'll end the show for Kyla. BYE!"


	3. Episode Three: Kidnappings and Voldemort

**Something terrible has happened- Kyla has been kidnapped by the Homunculi. Since she is gone, we may not be able to go on with the show today. Luckily, the homunculi also took the camera guy so you at least can see if she's okay or not.  
><strong>

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><p>My right hand was handcuffed to a metal pole. "Why the hell am I here?" I asked annoyed.<p>

"YOU KEPT CALLING ME A CROSS-DRESSING PALM TREE!" Envy yelled.

"YOU MADE FUN OF MY TALENTS!" Lust complained.

"YOU CALLED ME FAT!" Gluttony cried.

Sloth was sleeping.

"YOU MADE ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL IN THE LAST EPISODE!" Wrath screamed.

"YOU MADE ME GIVE SLOTH A MASSAGE!" Pride growled.

Greed shrugged. "I actually have nothing against you."

"The fuck…?" I mumbled

Brett, the camera guy, was tied up in a corner. "WHY THE HELL AM I HERE?"

The homunculi shrugged. "We dunno."

I sighed. "Well, can I at least read off the reviews my show got today?" They nodded. "Alrighty!" I pulled out list of questions and dares. "The first one is from heartarrow56!"

_lol. this fanfic is hilarious. um question for Roy. i see alot of fanfics about you and...Ed. you guys are...a yoai pair. are you aware of these. if not, what do you think about this? and Riza, what do you think about this?-a question for Envy. wasnt it embarrassing to be that small...larva...whatever you were? thats all from me! hope to see new updates! ^o^_

"Since we can't do Roy, Ed, and Riza… Envy, were you embarrassed to be that larva thing?"

Envy nodded. "EXTREMELY! I didn't look attractive whatsoever!"

"You were never attractive to begin with, you cross-dressing palm tree!"

Greed laughed while Envy yelled, "I can kill you right now you little bitch!"

I shook my head. "You would, but you can't. I got people who can do baaaad things to you..."

"And who would that be?"

"Your FANGIRLS!"

Everyone gasped. Envy turned white, saying, "You wouldn't..."

I smirked. "I sure as hell would! Now shut up! I gave Molley a copy of this just in case something bad happened, so turn on the TV so we can see what happened!"

Greed turned on the TV.

At FMA Today!

"Okay, since Kyla got kidnapped she made me take over until she gets back. So, question for Ed and Roy- do you guys know that you two are a yaoi pair?" Molley asked.

Ed and Roy were confused. "A what…?"

"A pairing. Royed. Edroy. EdxRoy. RoyxEd. Yada yada yada."

Their eyes widened. "NO! That's fucking disgusting!"

"Riza, how do you feel about this?"

Riza gave her a blank look. "That's quite fucked up."

"I know, I know. Okay, the next review comes from the seriously fucked up in the head girl, Mew Phong."

_MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!_

_I Am back! and slightly more sane._

_Roflmao! Those poor characters! Ah well. Okaieedokiee! My questions!_

_ROY: Ayrgh! Still no idea.. Okay I'll do a dare for you! Go adopt a kid! Cause then you'll have to be a daddy! And Riza can get dragged into being a mommy! But the kid should be ages 3-5 cause otherwise they aren't AS cute but still cute. Okay?_

_RIZA:You heard his dare! HELP HIM!_

_IZUMI! Yeah! I was right! Due to my being right I wont torture you with questions! You're awesome!_

_ED: what about that other picture! With Winry and Al and the babies... :3?_

_WINRY: Ooooh! I have a best friend who's just like you! B-but.. She's moving! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

_Ling... So.. Is the.. Collapsing a... Family... Thing...?_

_Mei... Same..._

_Olivier... Okay.. I won... The bet... With my friend.. That's moving... So.. I'll..- WAIT! daddy's girl? Really? Huh.. I suppose I saw it coming.. Oh well.. Oh yeah! You made me annoyed! Why are you so against romance? cause you're ruining my Fanon! You and Miles are supposed to already have this cute little six year old boy named Royce Amir Armstrong (roy is always saying how you named him after you named him after him and it annoys you)who you hate/love and Miles loves and you sent him to live with your family because you didn't want him at Briggs then he grows up and falls in love Elicia Hughes! Then when he's five he gets kidnapped by a pedo bear and it's a huge crossover with criminalminds! Ph yeah he was made by accident and you and miles got married.. Then he follows Ed and al round like a baby duck! In mine and my friends(the ones I make up and the real ones) he's adorable! What do you think about it?_

_Miles! Same as Olivier_

_Hey, Al? Can I take back what I said before? Cause there's these really annoy cats that I cat sit that make me walk through rain and lightning to let them in the house again and then decide to leave a half eaten mouse on the porch and get themselves lost! Take them all you want._

_Havoc! Don't do drugs! Smokings bad for you! Bad boy! *sprays with a bottle of water*_

_Envy! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOÒ(cool o)OOOOOOOOOOOOOO! you killed Hughes! I give you a nurseries punishment! Cool hair btw_

_Gracia: do you make cocunet cream pie? Or pumpkin pie? Cause I love those pies.._

_Nina: Awwww! You're so cute! Don't go anywhere near the scary people okay! And don't nevah go near the palmtree!_

_ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG! Ayame! Yay! My friends afraid of you.. Cause you're big.. You know she's also afraid of Buccaneer and Sig! My other friend thinks you're awesome! I think you should kill that Cullen dude cause he DID NOT stay dead when he was killed by the Dark lord! No not Voldemort! Batman! oh yeah! Can you be a lie detector for Olivier cause I don't trust her.. And it's fun to watch people get hurt._

_Hey are cats supposed to eat three bowls of cat food? Oh well..._

_Brb_

_Okay! I'm back! Stupid cats.. I'm more of a dog person.._

_MADAME CHRISTMAS&FUHRER GRUMMAN! Are you two together? Cause everyone seems to think you are.._

_You! Yes you! The author! Kayla! What are your favorite pairings?¿_

_Okay the little voices are telling me I've stayed my welcome so I've been arguing with them. Well you can't win all arguments... Too bad too.. I wish I could.. Anyways I'll be back and more sane next time!_

_Oh and same dares apply that says I can not be maimed.. And for the safety of others, you all are dared to just not hurt people, killing very carefully is allowed._

"Wow… even on the internet someone got Kyla's name wrong." She read it off to the cast. "Everyone that is in the studio shall react in the order of which the questions, dares, and comments are written."

"I don't wanna adopt a kid!" Roy complained.

Riza sighed. "Oy… c'mon, let's just go get one." She grabbed his shirt collar and dragged him out of the studio.

Izumi nodded. "Good."

"NO COMMENT!" Ed yelled.

Mei looked at the floor. "You can say that..."

Olivier and Miles sweatdropped. "No comment…?"

"YES! PLEASE GIMME THE CATS!" Al exclaimed.

Havoc cried out and ran off.

Gracia frowned. "I don't even know why I'm here… but yes, I can make coconut cream pie and pumpkin pie."

Nina was confused. "I'm supposed to be dead... but whatever! Okay!"

Armstrong ripped off his shirt. "I SHALL NOT BE A LIE DETECTOR FOR OLIVIER BECAUSE SHE WOULD KILL ME. I SHALL KILL THE CULLEN BOY, THOUGH."

Edward Cullen glared at him. "BRING IT ON, FATTIE!"

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" He tackled Edward to the ground.

Madam Christmas and Fuhrer Grumman shook their heads no.

At the hideout!

I was sulking in a corner, sad that Mew got my name wrong. This happens .

Lust sighed. "Ling, Envy, Kyla, answer that crazy Mew girl's questions and comments."

Ling, who had gained control, said, "You can say that..."

Envy was confused. "Um… okay? Yo, kid, answer this crazy chick's question."

I was too busy sulking to answer.

Greed, who had gained control once again, mumbled, "I think she broke her..."

"Well hell. Now how are we supposed to torture her when she's already broken?"

Greed sweatdropped. "I'm taking her back to the studio." He uncuffed me, picked me up bridal style, and took me to the studio.

Brett, who was still at the hideout, yelled, "WHAT ABOUT ME? UGGGGGGGGGGH!"

Back at FMA Today!

Greed came on stage with me in his arms. "Yo. Here's your host." He set me in a chair.

Molley slapped me, and I snapped out of it, yelling, "OWWWWWW! I'm good, I'm good! To answer Mew's question I like Lingfan but I'm more into Elcest."

Ed and Al were confused, mumbling, "Wha…?"

"It's a pairing between you two. It's kinda hot since all the fanfics usually make you two do the dirty deed... though for some reason it's always Ed putting his BLEEP in Al's ass and not the other way around in them. That's probably because Al's the fragile one."

Ed started freaking out while Al fainted.

"O…kay. The last one comes from musician-CEOwannabe!"

_I'm a major royai fan so most of these questions will be about them 1 why did Riza cut her hair at the end of the show? Do you guys have a closet romance since you're not allowed to fraternize? How is your love life? I dare Roy to tell Riza how much he loves her. Yes with the cheesy smoochy talk and kiss her. Oh. Let's see what will happen if you put voldemort against Roy and Ed ! Hehe_

"Roy and Riza just went to get a kid..." Molley said.

Roy and Riza came onto the stage with a little kid. "We're baaack! And this is our five year old son son, Roy Jr.!" Roy said.

"But my name is Carl." Roy Jr. said.

"Well now it's Roy Jr.!"

"Okay!"

"Riza, why did you cut your hair?" I asked her.

"Because it was long..." She answered.

"Did you and Roy have a closet romance since you're not allowed to fraternize?"

"NO!"

"How is your love life?"

"I don't have time for a love life!"

"LIAR! Roy, you are dared to tell Riza how much you love her!"

Roy got down on one knee and took Riza's hands in his. "Riza, you are the fire to my alchemy. The-"

Riza interrupted him. "Shut up."

"Okay..."

I remembered something. "Oh, and you and Ed are supposed to go up against Voldemort… whoever that is."

Molley gasped. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO VOLDEMORT IS?"

"No. I don't read or watch Harry Potter! Anyway, someone go find Voldemort."

Voldemort appeared out of nowhere, singsonging, "I'm here!"

"Okay, awesome. Ed, Roy, attack this moron."

Ed and Roy sighed. "Fiiiine..." They attacked him.

Voldemort screamed like a little bitch.

I raised an eyebrow at them "Wow…. Anyway, that's all for today. MAKE SURE TO PMS ME YOUR QUESTIONS/DARES AND REVIEW ON HOW AWESOME THE EPISODE WAS! BYYYE!"


	4. Episode Four: Depressions and Shortness

**Today was a dark, dark day in the FMA Today! studio…. We were forced to delete the old one for we had accidentally violated the rules. Now, Kyla is in a depression… well, that or just plain sad. Either way it's bad.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>I was sitting in a corner, sulking and resisting everyone's attempts to cheer me up.<p>

"C'mon, Kyla, cheer up!" Ed said frowning.

I groaned and slammed my head against the wall multiple times

Molley sighed. "Yep. We should just leave her alone for awhile and get on with the show."

Everyone was hesitant, but left me alone.

"Alrighty, the first letter- which is what we'll call the questions/dares for now on- is from Mew Phong." Kirstian said.

_EEEP! omg I'm sorry I was honestly debating about which to put.. Sorry Kyla!_

_Anyways my only dare is for them to comment on my things last time! Grrrr.._

"If Kyla would respond she would forgive you." Molley said.

Ed, Olivier, and Miles glared at the letter. "WE SHALL NOT COMMENT!"

"JUST DO IT ALREADY!"

"NEVAH!" Olivier and Miles yelled.

Ed sighed. "Fine. KISS MY ASS, MEW, KISS MY ASS! How's that for a comment?"

Molley facepalmed. "Excuse their... issues. Anyway the next one is from heartarrow95."

_Lol! That was a good chapter! This is a question for Greed/Ling. Well, actually Greed. Do you ever get in the way of Ling and Lan Fan's relationship? And I'm talkin' in any way possible. The entire cast: It's obvious in the anime Greed and Ling has two different voices, but it seems like no one notices! What's up with that? I have a dare for Envy: Shut up. A dare for Roy: I dare you to steal all the hot cheetos in France! (totally random, but whatever!) That's it for me! Update! ^o^_

Greed grinned. "Yes, yes I do."

"AND IT ANNOYS THE HELL OUT OF US!" Lan Fan yelled.

"For the next question… eh, we dunno." Everyone said shrugging.

"HOW DARE YOU TELL ME TO SHUT UP!" Envy yelled.

"SHUT UP!" I yelled from my 'emo corner' as everyone decided to call it.

Roy frowned at the dare. "How am I supposed to get to France?"

"Eh, we'll do that one last." Molley said waving him off. "This one comes from KingofHeartless'09."

_This is very funny although I don't like the way you treat Envy or Lust cus they are two of my favorites :(_

_Questions: Why can't Ed cut his hair?_

_Do you clean your brother's armor Ed?_

_Dares_

_I dare Ed to swap clothes with Roy_

_Also Envy to change into Ed and act like him._

_Finally a hug from Lust please :3_

"I like my hair long and yes I did." Ed answered nodding, and then he stared at the dare.

"OH HELL NO!" He and Roy yelled.

"DO IT, BITCHES!" I screamed.

They mumbled something, and went backstage to change.

Envy shifted into Ed. "I'm Ed! I'm short, short-tempered, and a total badass!"

"That isn't acting like Ed…." Molley said.

"Oh well!"

Roy and Ed came back wearing each others clothes, and everyone besides me laughed at them.

Lust ran off so she didn't have to give her a hug.

"Okay, this letter comes from AB!" Kirstian said.

_Hmm, you've got some funny stuff here. Okay! First question(let's see how many I can come up with) for:_

_Ed- Why do you keep your hair so long? It was short when you were a kid. Is that another one of those sentimental things, like your not gonna cut it until you've got Al's real body back? Or are you just awesome like that? (I haven't finished the series so if the answer's there sorry.)_

_Al- *glomp* hmmm well I actually can't come up with, Oh! Here's one... What's your favorite food since you got your body back? (that's one spoiler I just can't avoid.)_

_Roy- *evil grin* I have a dare for this one. Bwahahahahaha! =D Ok enough creepiness... I dare Roy Mustang to attempt to kiss Olivier Armstrong. =D I want to see if he survives. Oh and Riza, no saving his ass._

_Izumi- I think your sooo awesome, and your Husbands so sweet! I just wanted to say that. XD_

_Envy-How do you feel about the seemingly vast amounts of Fangirls yuo've aquired? (my friend loves you). And what would you prefer to be called, : a crossdressing palmtree or a Gay hooker? (I lean toward the Gay hooker bit when refering to you. XD)_

_That's all for now. Great little story Kyla (I love your name BTW)._

_Keep on Writing! ^^/_

"I LIKE MY HAIR LONG!" Ed yelled.

Al laughed at his brother. "My favorite food is apple pie! It's just so… YUM!"

Roy stared at the letter while Olivier stabbed a stuffed bunny with her sword multiple times. He gulped and walked over to her. "Hey, Olivier?"

"What, you-?" She started to say as she turned to face him, and her eyes widened when he kissed her. "YOU #%%^#$%^%##(:{}:,-!"

~Five minutes later….~

Ed sweatdropped. "Okay... while Molley and Riza visit Roy at the hospital while Kirstian tries to get Olivier out of prison, I'm in charge. Poor guy can't go to France now..."

Envy glared at the letter with fierce hatred. "I hate the fangirls and both of the nicknames."

"Wow… I never thought of Gay hooker! Nice one, AB!" I said grinning.

"Hey, you're not depressed and angry anymore!"

"Yep! I'm back, baby!"

Everyone cheered.

"Now, since the rest I couldn't find since I just now deleted the old one, this is the end! I know it's short and kinda rushed so be quiet. SEE YA, AND MAKE SURE TO PM ME QUESTIONS/DARES FOR THE CAST!" I yelled waving at the camera.


	5. Episode Five Part One: Spongebob and JT

**I'm a goobie goober, yeah.**

**You're a goobie goober, yeah.**

**We're all goobie goobers, yeah.**

**Goobie goobie goobie goobie YEAH!**

* * *

><p>I gave Ed a blank stare. "Really?"<p>

He nodded. "Really."

"No more Spongebob for you."

"DAMNIT!"

"I'm baaack~!" Roy singsonged walking into the room.

"NO ONE CARES!" Everyone besides Riza yelled.

He sulked in a corner. I smirked, saying, "Anyway, thee first letter is from Media Princess."

_Tis the message I said I'd send. Sooo..._

_Dare! Roy- nah, Riza. Kiss Roy. And no, you cannot shoot him. =3_

_Dare. Armstrong: One week without ripping your shirt off randomly._

_Olivier: dare. *eye roll* Just admit it. You like someone. And name who._

_Envy: dare. Prove you're guy. =3_

_Wrath (AKA Furhur Homunculus Bastard =3): dare. Let's see you tap dance. (Yeah, that was random.) Actually, better yet, I dare ya to tap dance in a tutu. XD *evil laugh*_

_Okay questions..._

_Roy, what's it like to be blind? Oh, and another dare: ask Riza to marry you. =3_

_Havoc, why were you attracted to Lust? Be truthful. =) And how many girlfriends has Roy stolen from you?_

_Al...would you like a sister? =3 A sister with the ability to turn into a cat?_

_Ed, have you ever forgotten that your arm/leg isn't made of steel anymore and gotten yourself hurt for it? Details. =)_

_Lust, ever slept with anyone? Who?_

_For everyone: Do you prefer the first anime color schemes or the Brotherhood?_

_Al, again, seriously, would you rather have your original voice actor who was a guy, or the new one who's a girl. TT_

_Everyone: like/hate/don't care the fact the Envy's voice actor is a girl._

_Okay, that's about it._

"I like both color schemes." Everyone answered.

"It's okay…." Roy trailed off, then he got down on one knee and proposed to Riza. Obviously she said no, but then she rolled her eyes and kissed him. He grinned and fainted.

Armstrong stared at the letter. "I can't… rip off my shirt?" He whimpered.

"Nope." I said, and then muttered, "Hallelujah."

"I SHALL ADMIT NOTHING!" Olivier exclaimed.

"I'm used to your stubbornness by now…." I mumbled.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"NOTHING!"

Envy got this really evil smirk on his face. "Oh, you want me to prove I'm a guy?" He started unbuttoning his pants.

"NOOOOOO!" I yelled covering my eyes with my hands. "Please… don't take off your pants."

"That's what she said." Molley said.

"Fiiiine." Envy sighed buttoning his pants. I sighed with relief.

Wrath glared at the letter. "I am not going to tap dance in a tutu. I don't even know how to tap dance!"

I shoved a tutu in his hands, growling, "Do it or I'll show you WrathxSloth fanfics." Luckily he didn't know the pairing was from the first anime, because he shuddered and put on the tutu. "Now dance, boy, dance!"

He sighed and started tap dancing.

"Have you seen Lust? She's freaking hot!" Havoc exclaimed. "Oh… and Roy has taken 3,246 of my girlfriends."

I started laughing. "Liar! You did not have that many girlfriends, let alone that many girlfriends he has stolen from you!"

"Fine… he took 45 of my girlfriends."

"Still lying."

"FINE HE TOOK 12 OF THEM OKAY?"

I sniggered.

Al shrugged. "Sure. A sister would be awesome."

"No it wouldn't." Ed mumbled.

He sighed. "Brother…."

Ed ignored him. "No, not really. There was this one time I punched the wall with my right hand… yeah, that hurt."

Lust sighed. "Yes, I have slept with multiple men. Havoc, Roy, Breda, Envy, Roy again, Gluttony on a dare… the list goes on and on."

Riza is now beating the living shit out of the still fainted Roy.

Al frowned. "Wait… the second voice actor for me was a girl?"

"Wow… I didn't even know that!" I said frowning. "Jeez, that shows how much I pay attention to things."

"Well… I guess the original."

"No one cares about Envy in general." Everyone besides Envy said, and Envy sulked in a corner.

"Wow… we are MEAN to him!" Molley said laughing. "The next letter is from Mew Phong, the crazy awesome bitch from… whatever state she comes from! And it's a long one!"

_Aww.. It's a new one-HEY NEW CHAPTER! Ooh you're not depressed anymore! Yay!_

_Okiee my dares and truths._

_ENVY: DARE_

_I dare you to go up agains Deadpool. Goggle him. He's awesome._

_TRUTH_

_Why do you want your hair thy long? And.. Weird looking?_

_ED:DARE_

_Why do you not want to answer my previous one? Cause that's mean.._

_TRUTH_

_Why do you where the leather pants. It looks like you either want to join a bike gang or are gay and want to join.._

_AL_

_DARE_

_cause I feel bad still, Hug Kyla_

_TRUTH_

_Do you get upset when people mistake you for the fullmetal alchemist?_

_ROY_

_DARE_

_I dare you to go somewhere with Roy jr and Riza_

_TRUTH_

_So hows Roy jr?_

_RIZA_

_DARE_

_Never. EVER. Teach anyone flame alchemy. Again. Capise?_

_TRUTH_

_Did you volunteer to have it on your back? Or ds your dad just do it._

_GRACIA_

_DARE_

_Make me a Coconut cream pie._

_TRUTH_

_How do you put up with Hughes?_

_OLIVIER_

_DARE_

_I dare you and Miles to have a kid that's actually yours.. And then Name it Royce Amir Armstrong. Seriously. Do it._

_TRUTH_

_Why are you like that? Cause it's pretty awesome._

_MILES_

_DARE_

_Do not be afraid of Olivier and same as hers._

_TRUTH_

_Who do you get the triangles on your face? It's a bit weird._

_IZUMI_

_DARE_

_Paint your house a bright pink. Then beat up everyone else if they make fun of it._

_TRUTH_

_How long does it take you to do your hair?_

_HUGHES_

_DARE_

_So you seriously have never had long hair? Huh.. I dare you to get contacts._

_TRUTH_

_How much does it cost you to keep up your supply of photos and what not._

_TRUTH_

_DARE_

_Are you god?_

_TRUTH_

_What's in the gate?_

_EVERY ONE_

_Play Never have I ever._

"Damn… that's LONG!"

"I'm already on the fourth page on Microsoft Word!" I exclaimed.

"DAMN!" Everyone yelled.

"I know!"

Evny groaned. "I LIKE MY HAIR LONG!" He yelled before I pulled a string, causing the floor beneath him to open up. He screamed as he fell into the arena where Deadpool was.

"Good luck, Gay Transvestite!"

"I AM NOT A-!" He started to scream, but I closed the trap door.

Ed sighed. "Why must people question the pants? Why?"

"I like them… they're kinda sexy." I said.

He blushed. "Erm… thanks. Anyway to answer your questions in order NO COMMENT and I like leather pants."

Al smiled and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me from behind. "I don't get upset whenever people mix Brother and I up. Actually, I find it kind of funny."

I was too busy mouthing thank you to Mew. Mei was giving the letter, especially Al's dare, a death glare.

Molley kicked Roy awake. "Wake up, dumbass."

He groaned. "I don't wannaaaaaaa…."

"You gotta answer questions and do dares, man."

"Roy Jr. is fiiiiine. I'll take him and Riza somewhere after she answers the questions."

"Okay and no." Riza answered the questions. She grabbed Roy and Roy Jr. and left.

Gracia gave Mew a coconut cream pie. "I pretend he's Justin Timberlake."

I gave her a blank stare. "Really?"

"I'm good at imagining things."

"Ah."

Olivier ripped the letter into pieces and stomped off. Miles just stood there with a sweatdrop.

"O…kay." I muttered, pulling out a copy of the letter. "We gotta tell people not to give personal questions… or dare the cast to have sex with someone." I shook my head and sighed. "ANYWAY, we already painted Izumi's house pink."

She grinned. "I had beaten up all of my neighbors!"

"Good for you, Mrs. Curtis!"

"Anyway, it usually takes me five minutes to do my hair."

Hughes, who was wearing his contacts, pouted since he dislikes contacts. "It doesn't cost much... just $132 a week."

"Wow..." I muttered.

Truth was crying tears of joy. "No one ever asks me questions! Thank you, Mew Phong!"

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up and answer it."

"BASTARD!" Ed yelled at Truth.

Truth ignored him, saying, "Yes, I am God. I am also the Earth. I-"

"Don't start with that 'I am' shit." Ed and I snapped.

He sulked, but smirked at the next question. "If you want to know what is inside the Gate then preform human transmutation and find out."

"And since we're kinda in a rush we're gonna have to skip the last one! But, don't worry, I'll find a way for us to do it!" I announced. "The last letter is from heartarrow56!

_(looks around stealthily) here are my questions and dares. first of all, I STILL WANT ROY TO GO TO FRANCE! ahem, a question for Ed: since everyone is obsessed with your hair, what products do you use? i bet youre one of those people who take really good care of their hair! now a dare for the entire cast (except fhurur bradly, dont tell him!): i dare you all to sneak into central dressed as ninjas and steal all of fhurur bradly's whip cream! then i want you all to deliver me the whip cream. if you cant do the second step, burn the whip cream and turn it into fireworks. thats your mission objective! go go go! thats it for me! bye mee! ^o^_

"While we were reading that Roy came back and I gave him a ticket to France. He just now left and will be back in episode... 7."

"WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE OBSESSING WITH MY HAIR?" Ed yelled glaring at the camera. "I SHALL NOT ANSWER THAT! NOPE, NO, NAH!"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Like I said before, we're kinda in a rush so we'll have to skip the last dare. But we'll do it in Episode 5 PART 2 with Mew's last dare. They'll be the only two in that episode since we couldn't do it in this one. The ones I get from this one will be in Episode 6. ...I really hope that made sense. **IF YOU WANT TO ASK THE CAST QUESTIONS OR DARE THEM TO DO STUFF JUST PMS ME THE QUESTIONS AND DARES! I WON'T ACCEPT IT IF YOU PUT THEM IN THE REVIEWS!**"

"ALPHONSE ELRIC LET GO OF HER THIS INSTANT!" Mei yelled at Al, who was still hugging me from behind.

He let me go, blushing. I glared at Mei, just now remembering that she also annoys the living hell out of me.

Molley sweatdropped. "Okay, this is gonna get ugly so BYE!" She turned off the camera as Mei and I lunged at each other.


	6. Episode Five Part Two: Whiskey and Ninja

_**Mew Phong-**_** …**_**EVERY ONE**_

_**Play Never have I ever.**_

_**Heartarrow56- **_ _**…now a dare for the entire cast (except fhurur bradly, dont tell him!): i dare you all to sneak into central dressed as ninjas and steal all of fhurur bradly's whip cream! then i want you all to deliver me the whip cream. if you cant do the second step, burn the whip cream and turn it into fireworks. thats your mission objective! go go go! thats it for me! bye mee! ^o^**_

**Since we could not do these in the first part, we shall do them in this one! Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>"But I dunno how to play Never Have I Ever!" I exclaimed after Kirstian did the intro. No, seriously, I have no idea what it is. So we are improvising!<p>

"I think it's where you take a shot of alcohol when you haven't done the question a person asks." Al said shrugging.

Somehow that made sense…. I nodded. "Oh… okay!" I pulled out a bottle of whiskey.

"Why do you have that?" Ed asked sweatdropping.

I poured the whiskey into shot glasses. "You'll never know when you need alcohol!" I answered grinning.

"Kyla… you, Kirstian, and Molley are 13-" Riza started to say, but I already downed what was left in the bottle.

Everyone sweatdropped, but took a glass. Here's the list of people who were playing, just in case I forget-

Me

Molley

Kirstian

Ed

Al

Riza

Winry

Mei

Envy

Havoc

Truth

Izumi

Hughes

Roy isn't on the list because he's still in France. He sent us a letter, saying France is hell and that he's going to commit suicide if we don't hurry up and get to the seventh episode… not that anyone cares.

Ed volunteered to start us off. "Never have I ever… been inside a train."

Molley, Kirstian, Truth, and I drank our shot. Molley and Kirstian started gagging while I commented, "Tastes like apple pie." Truth agreed with me and everyone else sweatdropped… again. I rolled my eyes.

Kirstian went next. "Never have I ever… been kissed."

Everyone besides Kirstian, Riza, Havoc, Izumi, and Hughes took a shot.

"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!" Truth suddenly exclaimed. "I'm Truth! I don't ride trains or kiss people! I'm going to be taking shots from every statement!"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "No one cares."

He sulked, and Riza went next. "Never have I ever… had sex."

Everyone besides Riza, Hughes, and Izumi took a shot.

"Wait… you're a virgin?" I asked Havoc snickering.

"Yeah… BUT YOU ARE TOO!" He snapped.

"I'm 13, dude."

"SHUT UP!"

~Ten shots later….~

Truth and Winry were drunk beyond belief while everyone else besides Izumi, Havoc, Hughes, and Riza were… I guess half drunk? I dunno….

"Hm, he was right." Riza said as Truth ran backstage and puked. "He took a shot with every question."

Mei was trying to kiss Al and was failing since she kept kissing the wall, Ed and Al were spinning in circles, Kirstian and Molley were doing the jerk, Envy was screaming about how he wasn't a cross-dressing palm tree like he usually does but now he was slurring his words so it sounded like he was admitting it, and I was too busy staring off into space to notice Winry humping my legs. When I did notice I kicked her away, managing to happily knock her out.

"Okay, I believe we can do the next dare!" I announced.

"Kyla… you're drunk… and 13 so we might get into some legal trouble… but we can't do the dare."

I growled, swaying back and forth. "I don't care! We are gonna do it and you're gonna like it, Reese!"

Riza sighed, but didn't say anything about me calling her a name similar to a peanut butter chocolate cup… or whatever it is.

~One hour and multiple ninja costumes later….~

-Riza's POV-

I was at Fuhrer Bradley/Wrath's home with the others, annoyed beyond belief. I mean, these kids were drunk as hell and they still want to steal whip cream from the Fuhrer! Speaking of which, why do we have to steal WHIP CREAM? Seriously? I sighed.

"Psssst, Rina!" Kyla hissed to me.

I sighed again. "It's Riza, and what?"

"How do we get in?"

"I dunno! I guess we can sneak through the back."

She rolled her eyes. "That's BOR-ING!"

I facepalmed. "Then what's your plan, oh wonderful leader?"

"We sneak through the front! DUH!"

By now I was missing Roy deeply. Why must he go to France for two episodes? Why? Wait… if he was here he'd be as drunk as the others. …Okay, I don't miss him as much anymore.

Kyla led us into the house. Luckily Bradley and his family were at a fancy diner, so we could be as loud as we wanted to be… aka they could be as loud as they wanted to be. "Okay, I'll find the liquor. Everyone else look for the whip cream."

"No, I'll go find the liquor." Ed argued. He wasn't as drunk as the others, but I can tell he was still not right in his head.

"No, I'LL find the liquor."

"ME!"

"ME!"

"SHUT UP!" I yelled. "No one gets to find the liquor! You're children, for goodness sake!"

They stuck their tongues out at me, but didn't argue. Molley skipped over to us, holding two bottles of whip cream and saying, "Found them!"

I stared at her. "Where did you find them?"

"In his bedroom! DUH!"

Kyla laughed. "Of course! He and his wife-!"

Before she could go on, I covered her mouth with my hand. "Quiet. Let's go."

Back at FMA Today!

-Kyla's (aka ME) POV-

I swayed back and forth. "We can burn the whip cream later." Then I passed out.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry I didn't post this yesterday! I kinda got distracted…. *Stares at multiple Elricest and AlxEdxAlfons lemony fanfics* Yeah… I had to fill my mind with more perverted stuff… especially with hot gay plus incest threesomes. XD ANYWAY I saw that people put their questions and dares in the reviews so I have to say this again- **_**IF YOU WANT TO ASK THE CAST QUESTIONS OR DARE THEM TO DO STUFF JUST PRIVATE MESSAGE ME THE QUESTIONS AND DARES! I WON'T ACCEPT IT IF YOU PUT THEM IN THE REVIEWS!**___**Bye!**


	7. Episode Six: Nom Nom Nom and Forced Hugs

**Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom**

**Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom**

**Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom**

**Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom**

**Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom**

**Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom**

**Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom**

**Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom**

**Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom**

**Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom**

**Nom-**

* * *

><p>"STOP THAT!" I screamed at Ed, who was doing the intro.<p>

He frowned. "That song is stuck in my head…."

"I don't care! You won't have a head if you keep doing that!"

Al looked at the camera. "Excuse Kyla. It's her time of the month."

"WHAT THE FUCK? YOU JUST _HAVE _TO SAY THAT, DON'T CHA?" I yelled at Al.

He squeaked and hid behind Ed.

"I can't wait until Roy comes back…." Riza mumbled.

"OH, FUCK YOU TOO, RIZA!" I screamed.

"STOP YELLING, YOU UNGRATEFUL CHILD!" Izumi yelled.

I rolled my eyes. "Alrighty. This letter comes from KingOfHeartless'09."

_Ok so here is my questions_

_Ed do you cut your hair?_

_Roy will you confess your love with Riza?_

_Al how do you keep your armor clean?_

_As for the dares_

_I dare Lust to give me a hug (She along with Envy are my favorties)_

_Envy I dare you to pretend to be Edward_

_There you go and if my get used thank you :P_

"No, I do not cut my hair. WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE OBSESSING WITH MY HAIR?" Ed roared.

"Roy confessed his love for me a few episodes ago." Riza said.

Al shrugged. "Oil."

Lust was trying to run away, but I grabbed her hair and dragged her to KOH'09. "Do it. NOW!" I yelled. She grumbled a few words but hugged him/her (I dunno if you're a chick or a dude so… yeah XD). She pulled away and left.

"I ALREADY DID TWO OR THREE EPISODES AGO!" Envy yelled.

"Last one comes from Media Princess." I said.

_Tis me again! =3_

_First off, these are the questions my friend wanted to ask (she doesn't have her own account):_

_Ed: you are dared to admit you are short._

_Izumi: what was your favorite thing about teaching the boys?_

_Yup. Anyway, now for mine. Hmm... Yo, bastard Truth! Dare: go find a normal job. =3 And Kyla, I dare you to follow it with the camera. I wanna see this._

_Envy, can I have a hug...? =3_

_Al, I want you to hug Mei then take her out on date. Kyla, please make sure to film that too. =3_

_Toodles! ^^3_

Ed growled, but flinched when I gave him my Glare of Death. "Okay, okay! I… I'm… I… am short." He fainted.

Izumi grinned. "I enjoyed beating the shit out of them!" Al sweatdropped.

"Truth isn't here. He's back at the Gate with a hangover from last episode." I said with a shrug.

"WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE WANTING TO HUG LUST AND I? We're the bad guys for fucks sake!" Envy yelled.

"HUG HER OR DIE, PALM TREE BITCH!" I screamed.

Envy grumbled something under his breath, but hugged her.

Al hugged Mei, who happily humped him. "Um… okay?" He let her go and took a step away, standing next to me.

"But I don't wanna go on their date. Mei annoys me to no end!" I whined, earning a glare from the bean sprout girl.

"And she's an evil maneater!" Mei also whined making me hit her upside the head.

Al held her back as she tried to murder me. "C'mon. It won't be THAT bad!"

~On their date….~

"It's that bad." I mumbled as we sat through an awkward silence and I videotaped it.

We were at this restaurant that served Italian food. It wasn't that fancy or expensive, but still made Mei jump in happiness. ...Or horniness. Whichever fits best.

"I have to agree with you there…." Al mumbled back.

Mei was glaring at me with pure hatred, and I simply stuck my tongue out at her. "Can you PLEASE leave?" She finally asked.

"I would, trust me, but I can't. Damn dare…." I sighed.

Suddenly, Armstrong and Edward Cullen came out of nowhere and started fighting.

"SERIOUSLY? ON MY _DATE_?" Mei shrieked, and she joined the fight.

"OW OW OW OW OWWWWWWW!" Edward cried as Armstrong and Mei gave him a mega wedgy.

Al and I sweatdropped. "You wanna leave?" I asked him. He nodded, and we happily left.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Damn writers block… and procrastination… and the lack of questions/dares... and lack of creativity. Mostly writers block and lack of creativity, though. XP So I'm sorry if this sucked! I just had to get this out before someone starts to think I'm dead or something.  
><strong>


	8. Last Episode Maybe

**Yeaaah... I'm discontinuing this. School just started and already I'm being bombarded with homework and the drama that I somehow get into WHEN I DON'T EVEN DO ANYTHING! *Cough cough* I've gotta stop yelling that...**

**Anyway, I might start this up again one day, but, for now, this is goodbye. Sorry! D:  
><strong>


	9. Episode Seven: It's Baaaack

_**Day- Friday, October 07, 2011**_

_**Time- Eighteen hundred and thirty hours**_

_**Place- Kyla's Bedroom, Kyla's House, Town of Perverts, United States of America, North America, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy… you get the drift**_

_**Event- THE RETURN OF FMA TODAY, BITCHES!**_

* * *

><p>The author, DarknessArises98 aka Kyla, was sitting in her bedroom, staring at the ceiling and repeating the words 'I'm on a boat' over and over, even though she is not on a boat.<p>

…_**Sorta. We haven't quite told her that we were gonna try to start FMA Today up again...**_

She curiously looked at her mirror. "Am I going insane or am I hearing a voice in my head?"

…_**I'm a ghoooooost….**_

"OF CHRISTMAS PAST?"

_**What? No! I'm a ghost of someone you knooowww….**_

"GRANDPA?"

_**No.**_

"UNCLE MITCH?"

_**NO.**_

"…AMY WINEHOUSE?"

_**WHAT THE HELL? ! IT'S MAES!**_

"Oooooh… Maes Cooper!"

_**...I wonder how you made it into the eighth grade….**_

"Why are you in my head, Maes Cooper?"

_**I'm Maes Hughes. Get it? HUGHES! ! !**_

"Oh, hey, Hughes! What's up? How's Gracia and Elicia?"

_**LIKE, OMG, THEY ARE FANTASTIC! ELICIA HAS GOTTEN, LIKE, SOOOO CUTER OVER THE YEARS AND- NO NO NO! ! ! I'm not here to talk about them! We're here to help you get your writing groove back!**_

"My writing groove? And what do you mean by 'we're'?"

**Hey, girly.**

"Oh, god, not Greed…."

_**Yes Greed.**_

**What's wrong with Greed?**

"You're an ass!"

**WELL!**

_**Sigh… anyway we came here to get you back to FMA Today!**_

"No."

_**But whyyyyyyyy? ? ?**_

"Nunya business."

**You suck.  
><strong>

"Nah, I blow, though there isn't really a difference." She heard a distant thump.

**_YOU MADE GREED HAVE A NOSEBLEED AND FAINT!_**

"I did? …Sweet."

_**YOU'RE TERRIBLE!**_

"No, I'm a pervert."

_**YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK THIS! I'M GOING WITH PLAN B!  
><strong>_

"Wha-?" Suddenly there was a sharp pain on the back of her head, and she blacked out.

"...Really, Maes? Is knocking her out necessary?" Roy Mustang asked while standing next to his deceased best friend, Maes Hughes.

Hughes shrugged and tossed the shovel in a random direction. "Eh, I was tired of talking in her head."

"Owwwww..." Greed, who was on the ground, moaned when the shovel landed on his head.

* * *

><p>When Kyla came to, she tied up in the old FMA Today studio- her basement. "What the hell...?"<p>

"Welcome back, Kyla." A voice seethed.

She looked up to see a very pissed off Edward Elric and a somewhat pissed off but still had his sanity Alphonse Elric. "Um... hi." She said.

Ed exploded. "Hi? HI? THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY AFTER DISCONTINUING THIS FOR ALMOST TWO MONTHS? ! !"

She shrugged. "Yeah."

Al was forced to hold Ed back when he tried to strangle her. "What Ed means is that we're very disappointed with you, Kyla."

"I'm not!" Winry and Mei chorused.

"NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR OPINION RIGHT NOW!" Ed yelled.

"Jeez, what crawled up your short ass and died?" Kyla mumbled.

Five minutes later, Ed, twitching uncontrollably and foaming in the mouth, was locked in Kyla's brother's bedroom while Winry and Mei were sitting on the roof of the home, freezing half to death.

Al pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Before I was interrupted, we were hoping for you to come back to FMA Today."

"But I don't wannaaaaaa!" Kyla whined.

"Why not?"

"I'm lazy and no creativity! Hell, half of the time you guys are totally OOC!"

"That's what crackfics are for! The characters get to be as crazy as you want them to be and you don't get criticized for it!"

"True, true. But I'm still lazy! Plus school makes me lazier!"

"Well, do this on the weekends!"

"Ah... touche, my cute friend."

He blushed. "Yeah... anyway, will you come back?" Suddenly, he was chibi Alphonse, staring at Kyla with large, so-adorable-it-could-kill eyes.

Her left eye twitched. She just couldn't resist. I mean, who COULD resist a chibi Alphonse (BACK UP HATERS)? "Fine."

He squealed and started jumping up and down.

"CAN WE GET DOWN FROM HERE NOW? ! !" Winry and Mei called from the roof.

Ed slammed himself against the lazy author's brother's glass door, foam smearing it as he fell to the ground, out cold.

Kyla blinked, and then looked at Alphonse, who was back to normal. "Mind untying me?"

* * *

><p>"Now, how are we gonna do a show without my usual co-hosts, a camera man, and, possibly, no fans?"<p>

Kyla was pacing around her backyard with Alphonse and Roy sitting on the grass.

"Just use your creativity to get new fans." Al suggested with a shrug.

"Maybe, if I HAD creativity!"

He sighed. "Stop saying you don't have any creativity! You have loads of it! Tons!"

"Not even your ass kissing can help me, Al."

"Well, I tried..."

Roy finally spoke up. "Use your imagination to make up your own co-hosts."

She nodded. "That's a good idea."

And so, five minutes later, a guy with red hair and brown eyes and a girl with black hair and blue-gray eyes were born.

"Your names are gonna be Joe and Zilla." Kyla said to them.

Joe grinned. "Awesome."

Zilla gave them a blank expression and said nothing.

"What about a camera man?" Al asked.

There was a dark glint in Kyla's purple contact eyes. "Roy's gonna be the camera man."

"What? But whyyyyyyyyy?" He whined.

"Because you gave me the idea to make up my own co-hosts!"

He pouted.

Just as they were about to go outside a large block of frozen ice fell near them. Apparently the block was Winry and Mei, who were trying to keep each other warm by clutching each other for dear life.

"...Do we have to thaw them or can we just leave them here?"

"No!"

"Dammit..."

* * *

><p>After thawing Winry and Mei, the gang were back in the basement when it happened.<p>

Something so terrible, it can barely be described in words... but two word DO explain it.

Naked. Armstrong.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT MY EYES!" Everyone screamed as they turned away, their eyes melting and dripping down their faces.

"I APOLOGIZE! I WAS TAKING A SHOWER-" Armstrong started to explain, but a high pitched scream cut him off.

"JUST PUT ON SOME PANTS, _PLEASE_!" Win- no, wait... it was Ed who shrieked, not Winry.

"THIS IS GETTING TOO CRACKY!" Kyla cried.

Suddenly, her friend, Hanna, ran into the room and slapped her, screaming, "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH CRACK!" Then she disappeared.

Kyla blinked multiple times, trying to register what just happened. "O...kay."

"I AM DECENT!" Armstrong boomed.

Everyone looked at him, and screamed once more when they saw him in his briefs.

"ACK! I CAN SEE THE OUTLINE OF HIS-!" Kyla started to shriek, but Al covered her mouth with his hand.

"DON'T SAY IT! PLEASE DON'T SAY IT!"

Randomly, Havoc walked down the stairs. "Hey guys, what's going- WHAT THE FUCK? ! !" His cigarette fell out of his mouth as he stared at Armstrong. Then he screamed like a little bitch and ran back upstairs.

Armstrong sighed and, finally, put on some pants.

Greed, who had been sleeping on the couch, woke up suddenly. "Wha' I miss?" He asked groggily.

Kyla sighed and shook her head. "You don't wanna know, man, you don't wanna know..."

* * *

><p>~During the show, Kyla's POV~<p>

I grinned. "And that is how I got my groove back! ...Well, not in REAL LIFE but in my diseased mind that happened!" I heard a sigh and frowned. "Stop sighing, camera man."

"Well, this camera is heavy!" Roy whined, the camera on his shoulder as he videotaped the show.

"Be a man."

"It weighs sixty pounds _and is making my shoulder numb_."

"Stop complaining!"

Cue emo flaming alchemist.

I rolled my eyes. "ANYWAY, I'm back, so y'all know what to do!"

**IF YOU WANT TO ASK THE CAST QUESTIONS AND/OR DARE THEM TO DO STUFF THEN PM YOUR DARES AND QUESTIONS TO ME SO I DO NOT GET SCOLDED FOR VIOLATING THE GUIDELINES!**

I waved at the camera. "Adios, and make sure to review for the hell of it!"

Suddenly, Armstrong and Edward Cullen were fighting behind me. "STOP CALLING ME A VAMPIRE, YOU DEMON!" Armstrong boomed.

I groaned. "SERIOUSLY? ! Y'ALL ARE BACK TO THAT?" I pulled out my knife and walked towards them.

Roy happily turned off the camera.


	10. Episode Eight: Chuck Norris Pwns All

~Before the Show, Third Person POV~

Kyla stared at her laptop screen with her usual 'Oh shit I have no idea what to type' expression.

…_**Kyla….**_

"Shit, not you again, Maes." She mumbled glaring at the screen.

_**Hey! I'm awesome, you know!**_

"Yeah, but if you keep popping into my head before every episode I might go mad."

_**You're already mad.**_

"Oh shut up! Anyway, I'm feeling lazy again."

_**There should really be a cure for that….**_

"I know, right?"

Al walked into the room. "Hey, Kyla! You ready for the show?"

I nodded and walked over to him. "Yep!"

_**You better be….**_

I growled, and Al gave me a look that said, 'Yep, she's going bonkers again….'

* * *

><p><span>~*~Episode Eight: Chuck Norris Pwns All~*~<span>

~Kyla's POV~

I gave Ed a look that said, 'Are you freaking serious right now?' "Really? You're too lazy to do the intro?"

"No… we're just gangster like that." He replied with a shrug.

I facepalmed. "Sometimes I wonder why I have a fangirl crush on you…." As he stuttered words I couldn't pick up I decided to just wave him off and grin at the camera. "Hello, one and all! Today is a weekday, I know, but I have homework and I don't wanna do it! So here I am!"

"Kyla, you do know that school is good for you, right?" Riza asked with a frown.

"Yeah… but it's boring." I pouted.

She sighed. "Children these days…."

I waved her off. "Yeah, yeah, yeah you're gonna go off with your 'back in the day' speech, but we don't have time for that. The first PM is from TheCrimsonGhost30!"

_Hi! Um, to be honest I didn't read the part about PMing the dares to you & not by reviewing! Sorry! =) So here it is:  
>OMG! This is so frikkin EPIC!<em>

_Dares:_

_All of the characters here, choose your theme song!_

_Put Ed, Envy & Roy in a locked room filled with Rabid fangirls!_

_Riza: Do you have any other tattoos we should know about? *Runs before getting shot.*_

_Ed: Why do you like the color red so much?_

_Envy: I dare you to dance n sing the hola!_

_Roy: have you ever set yourself on fire? And I dare you to teach Ed how to drive._

_Al, I give u kitties! If Ed says u can't keep em, I'll beat him with a wrench!_

_Riza, I dare you to read Royai fanfic! The scariest ones! I also dare you to not shoot anyone for a week!_

_I dare Envy to look at his yaoi fanart until his eyes bleed! And also to fight Chuck Norris._

_Olivier: Do you use a tank or a car to move around?_

_Wrath: I dare you to fight..the one and only...Darth Vader!_

_Finally. I dare the anime cast to watch every episode of brotherhood & the brotherhood cast to watch all the anime! I wonder what craziness will ensue!_

"It's okay, Ghost! Other people didn't read the **BOLDED** PART EITHER, THOUGH I PUT IT ABOVE THE REVIEW BUTTON SO NO ONE WOULD DO THAT! ! ! I MEAN, C'MON, PEOPLE! ! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO GET YOUR ATTENTION!" I gave the camera a look that said, 'You know who you are….'

Joe chuckled and sweatdropped at my rant. "Okay…. Guys, what are your theme songs?"

**(A/N: I just put my MP3 on shuffle and said that the songs that played were the character's theme song, so this will be… not right at all but whatever. XD)**

_Ed- The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars_

_Al- Ignorance by Paramore _**(I LOVE PARAMORE! ! !)**

_Winry- Rehab by Amy Winehouse_

_Roy- Like a Boss by the Lonely Island _**(I think I got that one right…)**

_Riza- Hips Don't Lie by Shakira_

_Olivier- 45 by Shinedown_

_Armstrong- If You Were Gay by Avenue Q_

_Envy- Monster by Skillet _**(I think I got that one right, too…)**

_Lust- Right Round by Flo Rida_

_Wrath- Broken Glass from Victorious_

_Pride- I'm On a Boat by the Lonely Island_

_Greed- Can't Be Tamed by Miley Cyrus _**(I have absolutely no idea why Miley Cyrus is on my MP3…)**

_Gluttony- Lonely by Akon_

_Sloth- Stereo Love by Gym Class Heroes_

Ed stared at my list with a blank expression. "That is not right… at all."

"SHUT UP! I'm too lazy to think up normal theme songs for y'all!" I snapped.

Al sighed. "You two just broke the fourth wall…."

I sweatdropped. "Whoops…." I mumbled, but gave Al the kitties. He squealed like a little girl, and Ed decided not to argue since he didn't want to get hit with a wrench by Ghost and I.

Zilla shook her head and shoved Ed, Roy, and Envy into a room with rabid fangirls. She closed the door, yelling to them, "Good luck!"

Seconds later we heard shrieking. Being the pervert I was, I went into the room and closed the door behind me.

~*FIVE MINUTES LATER*~

Ed, Envy, and Roy came out looking like they had seen multiple ghosts that had tried to rape them and failed miserably… probably because the fangirls- minus myself- tried and failed to rape them. I just watched the whole thing, giggling maniacally. Everyone knew not to question my sanity, so they just stayed quiet.

Joe sweatdropped. "O…kay. Riza, do you have any other tattoos?" He and I wiggled our eyebrows at her like the perverts we were, and screamed when she shot at us.

"No." She replied.

Zilla chuckled evilly at me and Joe's suffering. "You were also dared to read Royia fanfics and not to shoot at anyone for a week."

She twitched. "I cannot shoot anyone for a week?"

"Nope."

Everyone cheered while Riza continued to twitch, then she curled up into a ball on the ground and started rocking back and forth, mumbling about not being able to shoot anyone.

I sweatdropped. "Great, we lost Riza. How do we keep losing the sane people?" I placed my laptop in front of her a frightening Royia fanfic to read, but not before showing Envy enough yaoi fanart to make his eyes bleed and for me to giggle insanely.

Olivier pointed out the window, where her tank was parked on the side of the road near my house. "I use my tank. It is much easier."

Ed shrugged. "Red is an awesome color." He and I grinned and high-fived each other, since red was my favorite color.

"It's also the color of BLOOD!" I added.

Envy gave me a blank stare. "You are insane, you know that?"

I rolled my eyes. "No shit, Sherlock." I played hola music. "NOW DANCE AND SING, MOTHER FUCKER!"

He rolled his eyes but did as he was told.

Roy sighed. "Yes, I have burned myself… multiple times, actually."

I grinned. "We videotaped Roy teaching Ed how to drive. Enjoy!"

"_**HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Roy shrieked as Ed nearly drove them into another ditch. That was the fifteenth ditch they almost drove into in the last two minutes. "I'M GONNA DIE! I'M TOO SEXY TO DIE, FULLMETAL!"**_

"_**SHUT UP, COLONEL SHIT!" Ed yelled back as he swerved in front of a tank.**_

_**Olivier's head popped out of the tank. "YOU CUT ME OFF, YOU BASTARD!" She then shot a cannon ball at them **_**(That's what tanks use to shoot at people, right? If not, then oh freaking well. XD)**

_**Roy then screamed like a little bitch as the cannon ball flew past them and hit the road in front of them, causing the car to fall into the hole and for the camera to crash into Roy's skull and break.  
><strong>_

I high-fived Olivier as Roy and Ed got into one of their famous glaring contests. "Niiiiice, girl!"

Zilla grabbed a still bleeding Envy and Wrath and threw them out of the window and into the backyard, where Chuck Norris and Darth Vader awaited. "Hope y'all don't die!" She closed the blinds and we could hear Envy screaming bloody murder.

I chuckled. "We'll do the last dare last… for I have a surprise."

Ed sweatdropped. "Should we be worried?"

"Nooooo…."

"You're lying."

"Hell yeah. Anyway, the last PM is from the one and only Media Princess! It's from two months ago when I decided to take a break and she still wanted me to post it." Cue glaring FMA cast. "SHUDDUP! I CAME BACK!"

_But what about my dare to Truth? = Thank you Envy! ^^ And people like you two cuz you're so totally awesome! =D (And cute in Envy's case.) So why don't you guys like hugs? And don't tell me it's because your the bad guys.  
>Hey, Ed, exactly how much did Ling's room service bill cost?<br>Ling/Greed, what's it like to share your body with another person?  
>And Kyla, would it be okay if I PMed you the questionsdares people put in reviews? Cuz I'd like to see some of them in your show. =3  
>Hm... I need a dare. I need a dare. Oooo... The entire FMA cast has to put on a performance of Romeo and Juliet. =3 Ed and Winry will be Romeo and Juliet and the other canon pairings should appear too. Have fun! ^^_

"Sure, since they didn't read the **BOLDED** PART, THOUGH I PUT IT ABOVE THE REVIEW BUTTON SO NO ONE WOULD DO THAT! ! !"

"STOP RANTING! IT'S WORSE THAN ED'S RANTS!" Joe yelled.

I pouted. "I also had to go back and find the dare for Truth, which was to get a normal job. We videotaped that, so enjoy!"

"_**I don't wanna find a normal job!" Truth whined as we walked to General Tire, a factory that makes tires for cars.**_

"_**And I don't wanna come here since my dad works here and I hate his sorry ass but I'M HERE SO QUIT COMPLAINING YOU ASSHOLE! ! !" I yelled, my patience wearing thin.**_

_**He pouted, but said no more as we walked into the factory. Machinery and ugly men were all around.**_

"_**Hey, Kyla!" One of the ugly men called to me, waving.**_

"_**LEAVE ME ALONE YOU ASSHOLE OF A FATHER! ! !" I shrieked.**_

_**He pouted and left me alone.**_

"_**I see you also have daddy problems like Edward does." Truth commented.**_

_**I shrugged. "Yeah, but Hoenheim is awesome and abandoned Ed and Al when they were really young. My dad was around being as ass for my whole childhood until he was forced out of my house by policemen when I was twelve **_**(I'm not joking)**_**. Totally different situations."**_

_**After a very serious and totally awkward silence a man came to us. "Uh, we don't hire creepy white people… and I'm not being racist. This dude is completely white." He said.**_

"_**I know, but Media dared him to get a job. SO GIVE HIM A JOB HERE OR I'LL GO APESHIT ON YO ASS!" I screamed.**_

"_**OKAY, OKAY! JUST DON'T HURT ME!" The man cried, shaking like a leaf.**_

_**Truth and I cheered, and I turned off the camera.**_

Ed stared at me. "Wow… you were serious in that video for almost minute…."

I nodded. "I know, it's weird!" I shuddered.

Envy and Wrath came back, Wrath looking like his normal yet crazy Wrathful self and Envy… he was in his weird worm form.

"Wooooow… Chuck Norris didn't totally murder you! I'm surprised!" I cried. I then realized I lied, for Chuck Norris could've killed Envy in 3.42 seconds.

Envy gave me a murderous glare, hissing, "Shuddup." Then he looked at the camera. "And we homunculi don't like hugs because HUGS ARE EVIL!"

I gave him a blank stare. "I'm not even gonna ask why you think they're evil…." Then I looked at Ed. "Now how much did Ling's room service bill cost?"

He glared at Ling, who was eating a slice of my AH-MAZING chocolate cake. "$1,451,323,487,457! ! ! !"

I stared at Ling. "DAMN, MAN!"

He shrugged. "I was hungry."

Suddenly my friend Ruby popped into the room, took the rest of my cake, and pointed at Ling. "BIGGIE!" She exclaimed, and disappeared.

I blinked multiple times. "WHY DO MY REAL FRIENDS KEEP DOING THAT?"

"Because you-" Al started to explain, but I gave him a glare that said, 'That was a rhetorical question.' He sighed and kept quiet.

I smirked. "Now, the Romeo and Juliet thing isn't a bad idea, but I'm thinking that I should just do an oneshot for it. Ya know, so this won't get so large and I lose my will to continue this… again." Once again, cue glaring FMA cast. "STOP DOING THAT! Anyway-"

Envy, who was back to his normal palm tree self, interrupted me. "Are we almost done?"

"No, because it's time for my surprise! Instead of making FMA:B watch the anime… I HAVE THE CAST OF THE ANIME HERE!" I exclaimed.

~At the backyard~

The cast of FMA:B/the manga stared at the cast of FMA/the anime in complete shock and disbelief.

"HEY! Where am I? ? ?" Lan Fan, Mei, Fu, and Ling exclaimed.

"Y'all aren't in the anime." I replied.

"BOGUS! ! !"

"Hey, we're not in the manga!" Fletcher and Russel **(...They're not in the manga, right? I'm having a blonde moment.)** exclaimed.

I waved them off. "Then go be emo with Ling, Fu, Mei, and Lan Fan."

And so they did.

Human Manga Al walked up to Human Anime Al while the Armor Als talked about apple pie. "Why are you a thirteen year old kid?" M. Al asked with a frown.

"When I entered the Gate, my body was frozen so I couldn't age there, but I'm still seventeen. Why are you a seventeen year old?" A. Al asked.

"Because my body actually aged."

"I find Anime Al ADORABLE! ! !" I squealed. "AND HE'S MY AGE, TOO!"

"No… I'm seventeen. My body just looks like a thirteen year old." A. Al denied.

I waved him off. "Blah, blah, blah. MUST. GLOMP!" I glomped him while M. Al sulked.

The Eds stared at each other, until they said simultaneously, "You're short." Seconds later they were rolling on the ground, fighting viciously.

The Roys were checking each other out, as were the Lusts. The Envys were calling each other palm trees, which was entertaining to watch.

A. Wrath stared at M. Pride. "Are you supposed to be my opposite?" He asked.

M. Pride shook his head and pointed at M. Wrath. "No, he is your opposite… which is strange, since he and Pride look alike."

"What were the creators thinking?" A. Pride mumbled.

Still glomping A. Al, I waved at the camera. "See y'all later!"

* * *

><p><strong>IF YOU WANT TO ASK THE CAST QUESTIONS ANDOR DARE THEM TO DO STUFF THEN PM YOUR DARES AND QUESTIONS TO ME SO I DO NOT GET SCOLDED FOR VIOLATING THE GUIDELINES!**

**OH, AND IF Y'ALL THINK I SHOULD DO A ROMEO AND JULIET FMA ONE SHOT FILLED WITH CRACK, SCENES THAT I KNOW OF SINCE I'VE NEVER READ OR WATCHED ROMEO AND JULIET FOR MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES, CRACK, ME (of course I have to be in it!) AND EXTRA CRACK, REVIEW YOUR OPINION AND _NOT _YOUR QUESTIONS/DARES!  
><strong>


	11. Episode Nine: Pokemon and Rude Al

~Before the Show, Third Person POV~

"4x divided by 12x minus 60 added to 1 divided by 4x minus 16 is… OH FUCK I DON'T GET IT!"

Right now the authoress is trying to do her algebra homework… and failing miserably. Plus with the writing process of her FMA Romeo and Juliet oneshot, she is stressed beyond belief.

_**Kyla!**_

"MAES, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR GHOST ASS RIGHT NOW! ! !" Kyla screamed, finally losing whatever brain cells she had left.

…_**I'm not Maes. I'm Hoenheim.**_

"…I'd rather have the crazy daughter-obsessed father bug me instead of the father who has the word hoe in his name…."

_**HURTFUL!**_

"Hey, it's true! Plus in the anime you were first with Dante, had Envy, left after Envy died and became a homunculus, met Trisha, and had Ed and Al. Isn't that hoe-ish behavior?"

Hoenheim did not respond.

"Heh, I just pwned an old guy."

…_**Just go do the show before I murder you in your sleep.**_

"I'll do just that!"

* * *

><p>~*~Episode Nine: Pokemon and Rude Al~*~<p>

~Kyla's POV~

I waved at the camera. "Hello, one and all! Kyla here with the ninth- yes, NINTH- episode of FMA Today!"

Ed was giving me a blank stare. "I cannot believe you called my dad a whore."

"Hey, I was kidding!"

Anime Human Al glared at me. "Why am I here again?"

I sighed. "Because Mei kept bugging me about not having a normal date with Manga Human Al so I allowed them to skip the show."

"So you just made me come back, even after you tried to molest me?"

"I did not try to molest you!"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever."

I pouted. "First letter is from heartarrow56."

_im sure you heard of pokemon. i dare Ed and Roy to have a pokemon battle! i sent a pikachu and a magikarp. if you dont know what it is, look it up.  
>now for questions:<br>Riza: are you the dominant in your relationship with Roy?  
>Truth: ...you dont get out much, do you?<br>Ed: just because you got mad last time, imma ask again. What products do you use on your hair!  
>Al: Did you realize Ed got taller in that photo at the end of the series! It took me forever to notice it!<br>Roy: How was your trip to France? Did you get the hot cheetos?  
>Kyla: What happened to that Austin kid from the begining? Did he die?<br>One last dare: I dare Oliver to open an ice cream shop and be nice to all the little boys and girls! Thats it for me! Bye Mee! ^o^_

I chuckled evilly, answering her question with another question, "What do you think happened to Austin?"

Ed nearly exploded. "GODDAMMIT WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE OBSESSING WITH MY HAIR? ! !"

I took his hair out of its braid and ran a hand through it. "They obsess with it because it's long and luxurious."

He blushed scarlet and ripped his hair tie out of my hands.

Roy shuddered. "France was HELL! I tried the hot cheetos, but they had pee on them!"

I laughed so hard I fell onto the ground.

Riza and Roy answered Riza's question at the same time, Riza saying yes and Roy saying no. Riza gave him a glare of death, which made him whimper into a corner.

In short, yes, Riza is the dominant in the relationship.

Manga Armor Al nodded. "Of course I noticed!"

A. Al gave Armor Al a look. "Dude… you sound like a chick."

Armor Al sulked in a corner, along with the still whimpering Roy and Truth, who was offended by the question/totally true statement.

I sweatdropped. "You, Anime Al, are rude!"

He shrugged. "You messed with the fabric of reality by creating this crack fanfiction, which means I can act however I please. Besides, with the strangeness coming from the cast and how fast you're typing, you're just too bu-"

Suddenly I had a dark aura surrounding me. _"You so as much finish that reference and I'll gauge your eyes out with my own hands._*****_" _I growled, my voice low like a man's and dripping in venom.

***The first person who reviews where that statement is from they'll get a virtual cake and a shoutout in the next episode. Hint- It's FMAB related.**

*Minutes Later*

We stood in a field near my school; Roy on the left side, his face was all blue and purple with bruises after I was forced to make some… drastic decisions (aka I kicked his ass so he would stop whimpering), Ed on the right side, his hair up in a ponytail instead of his braid which made him look 200 times sexier than usual, me in the middle, and everyone else sitting in bleachers that I made up with my mind.

How did that happen, you ask?

Bitch, don't question it.

"Alrighty, everyone! We have gathered here today to see an epic battle of awesomeness!" I announced.

"JUST GET ON WITH IT!" A. Al yelled from the bleachers.

"SHUT UP YOU UNGRATEFUL TWIT!"

Cue sulking thirteen year old.

I coughed into my hand. "Okay, boys, choose your pokemon. But choose wisely, because one of you is gonna get magikarp, which means your ass is gonna get kicked."

A pause.

"Ed, here's magikarp."

Cue pissed off midget. "YOU SUCK! !"

*More minutes later*

Everyone stared at Ed in shock, even Pikachu, who was out cold.

"Dude… how the hell did he win? !" I exclaimed as Ed and Magikarp danced around like idiots.

A. Al sighed. "Like I said before, this is a crack fanfiction. Nothing in it has to make sense."

"…Why do you have a British accent?"

"I don't know."

"Ah."

"…So now what?"

"WE SHALL TO OLIVIER'S ICE CREAM SHOP TO BUG THE SHIT OUTTA HER!"

*At Olivier's Ice Cream Shop*

We stood in front of Olivier's Ice Cream Shop as it burned pitifully to the ground with a whimpering Olivier curled up on the ground and rocking back and forth. Apparently she lost her sanity from being nice to people.  
>Gluttony, who had appeared out of nowhere, whined, "No ice cream?"<p>

I looked at Ed. "You owe me thirty bucks."

He scowled. "Dammit."

*Back at FMA Today!*

I wiped sweat off my brow. "Next letter is from Meda Princess!"

_This just got crackier. =3_

_ALPHONSE! *glomps anime Al, then slings him over my shoulder and starts to walk away*_  
><em>[after Ed stops me from kidnapping his brother, put the Dares in =3]<em>

_So... I'm drawing a complete blank. Let's start with some of the older Q/D in the reviews. ^^_

_From Tenshi: Hi everyone!_  
><em>Ok first off Parental!Royxed, Ed, Roy how do you feel about it? Personly I think Roy would be an awesome father figure, better than Hohenheim at any rate, am I right?<em>  
><em>Second Olivier, everyone seems to think you and Miles are together I alway thought you loved Buccaneer which one is it?<em>  
><em>Third Kyla why oh why didn't you let envy take off his pants last chapter? I'm an envy fan XD<em>  
><em>Envy do you prefer the first anime or the second. How do you feel about the elrics being your half-brothers? Do you support EnvyxEd? [me: oh good lord. O-O *kicks those ideas aback into the yaoi closet*]<em>  
><em>Al how do you feel about Alfons Heiderich and the rumors about him sleeping with your brother?<em>  
><em>Russel how do you feel about being left out of the second anime? Do you know how badly your fangirls missed you? *crys*<em>  
><em>Ling how do you feel about Al dating your little half-sister? What about him and Ed oneday being your brother-in-laws? Also how do you feel about LingxEd?<em>  
><em>Havoc did you know your one of my favorite character ever?<em>  
><em>Lastly Roy, Ed, Al, Riza, Olivier, Ling, Russel, Flecher, Alfons, Winry, Envy, Scar, Havoc, Fuery, and Maes. How do you feel about yaoi in general? Are there any pairings you like? Any you really really hate? Which ones and why?<em>  
><em>That all for now<em>  
><em>Love Tenshi<em>

_XOXOXO_

_from souleaterasomer: nya~ i dont know how to do pms on here... but anyways..._  
><em>Klya great fan fic, i love it! and hopes that you can use meh questions...<em>  
><em>al: i love you *glomps* was it hard to transfer from soul and armor to a body?<em>  
><em>ed: i dare you to have a pet cat.<em>  
><em>Izumi: you're freaking awsome!<em>  
><em>Hughes: Why do you obsess with your daughter? i know shes cute 'n all but still... and i dare you not to show pictures of her or your wife for a full week.<em>  
><em>armstrong: along with not ripping your shirt off dare from that other person... i dare you to not sparkle for 5 day...<em>  
><em>roy: teach meh your awsome flame alchemy (so i can hurt my twin bro... cause his freaking farts are killing meh!)<em>  
><em>and thats all i got for now...<em>  
><em>oh! wait!<em>  
><em>ENY! WHY DO YOU NOT LIKE YOUR TURE FORM! (the small one) cause i thinks its cute! (in a sort of creepyish way)<em>

_~back to me~ Okay, I'll add more next time. Some pretty good ones up there. Kyla! Can I help you out with the show? =3 Pwease? =3 =3 =3_

Armstrong sulked in a corner with Hughes, who joined him after yelling, "I OBSESS BECAUSE I LOVE!"

I facepalmed. "Oh good God, Envy has multiple fan girls who wanted to see him without his pants… AND IF YOU TRY TAKING ANIME AL FROM ME AGAIN, MADA, I'LL FIND YOU!" I growled to prove my point.

Envy smirked, totally ignoring my mini explosion. "I'm sexy, sue me."

"Yeah, you're as sexy as that palm tree over there." I pointed at a dead palm tree in the corner of the room.

Cue pissed off crossdressing palm tree.

I rolled my eyes at him. "I dislike you with a fiery passion… though I enjoy Edvy fics." I wiggled my eyebrows while Ed and Envy gagged. "Actually, I enjoy yaoi in general."

Cue gagging FMA cast. "YAOI IS TERRIBLE!"

Cue sad authoress.

…Why do I keep typing the word 'cue'?

Eh, who knows?

Wait… I do.

…I'll just stop talking to myself right here.

A. Al's left eye twitched as he stared at Anime Ed, who I had dragged over here for that question. "Did you sleep with my doppelganger?"

A. Ed choked on air and passed out. Manga Ed and I started poking him with sticks.

A. Al facepalmed. "Okay, I do not care for the rumor and Alfons is okay I guess. I never really met the guy since he died before I could. I do not know if binding my soul to the armor was hard because I wasn't really there when it happened."

Envy sighed. "I like the first anime because I don't commit suicide in it-"

"Like a weakling." I added.

He glared at me. "Yeah…. I find the thought of even sharing the same blood as those Elrics horrifying, and I hate my true form from the manga because I LOOKED LIKE A FREAKING SLUG!"

"You were a slug!"

"QUIET, YOU SICK YAOI LOVING HUMAN!"

…Now I'm sulking in a corner.

Russell was crying tears of joy. "Finally, someone asks ME a question! Yes, I did miss all of my fangirls!"

I slapped him with a fish. "Stop acting all high and mighty!"

"Where did you get the fish?"

"Eh, I keep them in my brother's closet."

"…And he doesn't notice?"

"He's an idiotic eighteen year old who uses his bedroom floor as a closet. I don't believe he'll notice."

"Ah… okay."

Ling shrugged. "I believe Alphonse is a great person for Mei. If those two got married he and Ed would be great brother-in-laws."

Ed glared at Roy while petting his new cat. "Mustang can go to hell along with Hoenhiem!"

Roy simply ignored him. "I will not teach fire alchemy to someone who wants to burn someone to a crisp."

"But you taught me!" I mentioned with an evil grin.

"I mean I will not teach fire alchemy to someone who wants to burn someone to a crisp and is able to torture me."

"Better."

Havoc was crying tears of joy. "Finally, I'm someone's favorite character! FINALLY! ! !"

I rolled my eyes and pointed at Olivier, who was still on the ground and whimpering. "As you can see, Olivier cannot answer that question, for she has lost her sanity. Oh, and I don't need help, Mada. It's all good!" I grinned. "The last one is from TheCrimsonGhost309!"

_Hi! Gotta say I really LOVED that last chapter! Anywayz, my friend posted a review & she doesn't have an account here (even though I told her a 100 times she should make one...) so I'm sending these in:_  
><em>From TheCrazyAlchemist<em>

_Rofl this is so insanely awesome! You're a genius! Riza: what were your last thoughts when you were gonna die in ep.59? Also, you're in love with Roy! Admit it! If you said no, that means you love Barry the chopper! ADMIT IT! Oh and I dare you to read some of your yuri fanfics, the Scariest ones! (she gotta keep reading till her brain breaks!) Ed: why don't you tie your hair in a ponytail more? It really suits you! Olivier, how come you don't sparkle like your family? Also, I dare you to have a sword fight with Bradley! Breda, I dare you to be locked in a room full of dogs! Gluttony, I dare you to eat yourself! Aaand, guess that's all I have! Bye!_

I started sparkling black sparkles. "Someone called me a genius~"

Riza rolled my eyes. "My last thought was… I cannot really remember, actually. I think it was, 'Dammit, I should've made Roy do that paperwork."

I stared at her. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Wow… you're so BLAND!"

"QUIET! Anyway, I ADMIT NOTHING!"

"ADMIT IT OR WE WILL SLAP YOU!"

"NEVAH!"

"THEN YOU SHALL READ THE YURI, WHICH I'M ALSO A FAN OF!"

"YOU ARE A SICK LITTLE GIRL!"

"I'M THIRTEEN!"

"TOUCHE!"

"WORD!"

"STOP YELLING! ! !" Ed yelled.

"SHUT UP, EDWARD!" Riza and I yelled back, and he sulked in a corner.

I gave Riza the laptop so she could read yuri fics.

Ed shrugged. "I like my braid better."

"But when your hair is in a ponytail you look 200 times sexier!" I whined, and he blushed.

Once more, Olivier is still saneless so we cannot have her do a dare or answer questions.

Breda screamed bloody fucking murder when we shoved him into a room with dogs and locked him in it. "HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ! ! ! !"

"NEVAH!" I yelled back.

Gluttony pouted, but started to eat his arm.

I covered my eyes with my hands. "Okay, that's just gross so we'll end the show right here! SEE YA!"

"Yum, I taste like chicken!" Gluttony exclaimed before the camera was shut off.

* * *

><p><strong>IF YOU WANT TO ASK THE CAST QUESTIONS ANDOR DARE THEM TO DO STUFF THEN PM YOUR DARES AND QUESTIONS TO ME SO I DO NOT GET SCOLDED FOR VIOLATING THE GUIDELINES!**


	12. Episode Ten: Halloween

~Before the Show, Third Person POV~

"Every time I come a ninja gotta set it, then I got it go and then I get it, then I blow it and then I gotta shred it any little ninja think he be doing 'cause- ACK!"

Right now, the authoress was trying to rap Busta Rhyme's super fast part in Look At Me Now- well, at least trying to rap her clean version of it since she will not, nor will she ever, say the n word.

As you can see… she is failing.

_**Kyla!**_

"…I really gotta see a counselor about this…." Kyla mumbled.

_**Hey! I'm not THAT annoying!**_

"Yes you are, Greed."

Greed sighed. _**The things I do to entertain myself….**_

"Yeah, well, what do you want? And DON'T say everything because you're a greedy bastard!"

_**For once… nothing.**_

DarknessArises98 blinked. "Nothing?"

_**Nothing.**_

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH GREED? ! LING, IS THAT YOU? !"

…_**Why don't you believe me when I say I want nothing?**_

"Like I said about six paragraphs ago, YOU'RE A GREEDY BASTARD!"

_**WELL!**_

"IT'S TRUE!"

_**JUST DO THE SHOW!**_

"FINE!"

* * *

><p>~*~Episode Ten: Halloween~*~<p>

~Kyla's POV~

I was dancing around with Mei and Al, chanting, "We made it to the tenth episode~!" over and over.

"SHUT UP ALREADY! ! !" Ed, Olivier, Izumi, Hawkeye, Anime Al and Pride yelled.

Cue sulking teenage girl, small Xingese brat, and cute suit of armor.

A. Al pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Since she is sulking and because I'm impatient as hell, I guess I will read the letters. The first letter comes from TheCrimsonGhost309, the second from WithoutaName993, and the last from FalseFacts."

_Hi! That last chapter was Epically AWESOME!:D  
>Anywaayz:<br>Olivier: Did you regain your sanity yet? Coz I'll ask you the same thing, Why don't you sparkle like the rest of your family? And I dare you to have a sword fight with Bradley!  
>Lan Fan: I dare you to show us your ninja skills and steal something embarrassing from everyone!<br>Roy: Since you've already done it many times...I DARE YOU TO SET YOURSELF ON FIRE! Don't save him Riza.  
>Oh and Riza, I have a gift for you, NEW GUNS! HAHAHA!<br>The Author AKA Kyla: I dare you to Rick Roll the entire cast and get away with it!  
>Ed: I'll teach you the three magic words to destroy your enemies, just yell: "I'MMA FIRIN' MAH LAZAH!" (If you didn't know it it's from a vid called shoop da whoop)<br>Ling: I dare you to go to one of these all you can eat contests!  
>Pride: Do your shadows control YOU, or do you control them? I also heard they taste delicious!<br>Aand...I guess that's all..for now!_

**Hey there! I just LOVE this it's so frikkin funny!  
>So, I have:<br>Olivier: Do you love Bucaneer or Miles? PICK ONE! I also dare you to sing the song Dancing queen from that Mamma Mia 2008 movie!  
>Riza: I dare you to sing the song Mamma Mia from that same movie and dedicate it to Roy!<br>Sloth: I dare you not to sleep for a week!  
>Envy: I dare you to take a form other than the cute palm tree! Stick to it for the rest of the episode!<br>Lust: I dare you to date Havoc. FOR REAL THIS TIME!  
>Havoc: Really, how many cigarettes do you smoke a day?<br>Falman: I dare you to recite the whole dictionary!  
>Fuery: I dare you to create a blog!<br>I also dare the cast to log on to a messenger and chat!  
>Sooo...that's all for now! Byez!<strong>

_Glad to see you're doing the show still. Anyways I've got a few questions for everybody.  
>Riza: Before I ask you, let me apologize in advance. You are my favorite FMA character. My question is, when your father tattooed your back did you agree to it or did he force you?<br>Roy: Why is it that after you go blind you continuously grab your face? I mean you lost your eye sight but you didn't lose your eyes so why are you constantly feeling for them?_  
><em>Also, where the hell were you when Riza's father decided to tattoo her back!<br>Elicia: I heard a rumor that you were going to follow in your fathers footsteps and join the military, is this true? If so how does your mom feel about this?  
>Olivier: Why are you such a **? I mean yeah 910 times your actions are justified but I mean you're such a ** to your own brother even after he saves your life.  
>Rebecca Catalina: Are you and Havoc together?<br>Havoc: Can I get my own Ice-cream truck arsenal? Like the one you delivered to Roy. Man your folks must own the most kick-** grocery store ever!_

I slapped A. Al. "You weren't supposed to read them all at once, dumbass!"

"Whatcha gonna do? Kick me off the show?" He asked, yellow sparkles surrounding him.

"NO! I'm gonna get Izumi to beat you up."

Izumi grinned evilly, grabbed A. Al, and dragged him out of the house. You could hear his screams as he was beaten.

"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!" I suddenly yelled. "It's almost Halloween, so this shall be a Halloween Episode!"

Everyone stared at me. "Eh… wha?"

~Multiple costume changes and idiotic montages later…~

"Ah, much better." I sighed wearing a witch costume.

"I FEEL RIDICULOUS! WHY DID YOU MAKE ME WEAR THIS? !" Ed yelled. He was wearing a maid costume. Yes, perverted Ed fangirls, imagine your Eddie-Poo wearing a maid costume with a short black skirt and his golden hair down. Drool, girls, drool...

My eyes sparkled with mischief. "You look hot!"

Roy, who was dressed like a vampire, rolled on the ground laughing his ass off.

Envy glared at me while in his Anime Envy/William Van Hoenhiem form. "I hate this. I look like the pipsqueak and his ass of a father!"

"I AM NOT A PIPSQUEAK! !" Ed yelled.

Anime Al was dressed like… well… Ed… aka he didn't really change much besides putting his ponytail into a braid. "Can we just get on with the show? I can't look at Ed without gagging…."

"HEY! I'M A HOT MAID!" He blushed madly when he realized what he had said.

"Hell yeah you are!" I agreed with a grin.

Elicia, who was eating a cupcake, stared at the last letter. "I would never join the military! Daddy died working for them!"

"My shadows do not control me!" Pride exclaimed while his shadows tried to pull him over to the snack table. So far they were able to drag him two feet towards it.

Olivier, who was dressed like a sparkling fairy, glared at me with hate in her eyes. "I hate you."

I rolled my eyes. "So does everyone else. NOW ANSWER THE QUESTIONS AND DO THE DARES, MY MINION- I MEAN GUEST!"

Olivier sighed. "I do not sparkle because I am the sane Armstrong."

"OFFENSE!" Armstrong exclaimed in his Armstrong manner. Since he was already terrifying-looking, I decided to let him wear his usual outfit.

She ignored him. "I do not love Buccaneer or Miles. They are simply my… never mind. I am… whatever False Facts bleeped out because I was born that way, and I will not, nor will I ever, sing that song from that horrible movie." She then picked up her sword and proceeded to have a sword fight with Fuehrer Bradley.

"I wonder if she will win…." A. Al mumbled.

I looked at him. "You know what? Calling you A. Al is getting on my nerves. For now on, you shall be called… Phonse? Yeah, Phonse is good."

He stared at me. "'Phonse'? What the fu-? !"

"ANYWAY!" I yelled over Phonse's cussing, "Ed, do your questions and dares, would ya? Oh, and I'll kill you if you use those magic words on me."

Ed pouted, which made him look even more delicious in that maid outfit. …As you can see, I have a serious problem. "I don't have any!"

"You don't? …Weird." I pointed at Roy. "ROY! STOP LAUGHING AND DO YOUR QUESTIONS AND DARES BEFORE I GET ED TO DESTROY YOU!"

He stopped and frowned. "But I don't wanna set myself on fire!" He whined.

"DO IT!"

He pouted, but snapped his fingers and caught himself on fire. "AH! IT FUCKING BURNS! ! !"

"NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FELT WHEN YOU BURNED ME TO DEATH YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Lust yelled from across the room, where she was chatting with her new boyfriend, Havoc **(A/N: *Puking*)**.

Roy Jr., the adopted son of Roy and Riza for those who do not remember him from episode… I think three or four, ran up to his father with a bucket of water. "I'LL SAVE YOU, DADDY!" He yelled, and poured water on Roy's body.

I was laughing my freaking ass off to notice Roy snapping his fingers, and soon I was on fire. "HOLY FU-! ! !"

Ignoring my pain, Roy started answering the questions. "I do not know why I kept grabbing my face when I went blind besides needing to know that my eyes were still there. Oh, and I was busy getting laid when Riza's dad decided to tattoo her back."

"BASTARD! ! !" Riza yelled while shooting at him.

He squealed like a little bitch and ran out of the house.

"For anyone who cares… I'M STILL ON FUCKING FIRE! !" I screamed, rolling on the ground.

Riza sighed, grabbed Roy Jr.'s bucket, and poured it on me. I sighed with relief. "Thanks, Riza." I said giving her a hug. I froze when I heard a click and felt the barrel of one of her new guns against my left temple.

"Let go." She said calmly.

I let her go and took a few steps away from her. "O…kay… do you mind answering the questions for the viewers? And NOT kill me?"

She sighed. "I will not sing that song since right now I'm pissed at Roy, and I was forced to get my back tattooed."

Roy Jr. gave me a look that said, 'You are dead to me.'

I frowned. "What did I do?"

"You made my parents mad at each other!"

"They're not even your parents! Hell, your name isn't even Roy Jr.! It's-!"

"DON'T SAY IT!"

Havoc, in all his Havoc glory, decided to bump in. As usual, he was smoking. "Hey, kids, chill!"

Roy Jr. and I started coughing our lungs out. "Dude, seriously, how many cigs do you smoke a day? !" I asked.

He shrugged. "Six… maybe seven."

"Can someone say lung cancer?" Roy Jr. mumbled.  
>I sighed and started looking for my laptop. "Hey… where is-?" Then I stood up straight, and glared at Lan Fan. "Lan Fan…."<p>

She frowned and gave it back. She also returned Roy's stack of Playboy magazines, Al's Barbies, and Riza's diary to their rightful owners.

"Hey, where's my newest addition?" Roy asked.

Everyone was silent until Greed coughed and handed Roy the missing magazine.

"Is the episode over yet?" Phonse whined.

"No… I think there's one thing we still need to do." I replied.

* * *

><p><em>DarknessArises98 has logged in<em>

_NotAPipsqueak214 has logged in_

DA- Hey, where's everyone else? I told everyone to make accounts and get on!

NAP- I dunno. :P

DA- …You're gonna keep making emoticon faces, ain't ya?

NAP- Hellz yeah! :D

DA- -_-

_KittyLuver has logged in_

KL- Hey Brother! Hey Kyla! =^.^=

NAP- Hey Al.

DA- Hey cutie pie. ;)

KL- :)

NAP- -_-

_DoinItLikeABaws has logged in_

DA- Um… Roy?

DILAB- Ya. Watz ^ gurl?

DA- …Please type normally.

DILAB- Y?

NAP- It's kinda annoying….

DILAB- U b trollin

DA- And u b annoying. LOG OFF!

DILAB- Deuces, biatches.

_DoinItLikeABaws has logged off_

DA- …Eh, this is boring. Assuming the others have done their dares and answered their questions, we shall end here. ADIOS, PEOPLE, AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

_DarknessArises98 has logged off_

_NotAPipsqueak214 has logged off_

_KittyLuver has logged off_

* * *

><p><strong>IF YOU WANT TO ASK THE CAST QUESTIONS ANDOR DARE THEM TO DO STUFF THEN PM YOUR DARES AND QUESTIONS TO ME SO I DO NOT GET SCOLDED FOR VIOLATING THE GUIDELINES!**


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